trust

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
I am so late to the game on posting this one but bear with me....I think it is a good one.  Last year, I chose a word (or words actually) to guide me through 2012.  My words then were to look up (to God) and pare down (which I did in many ways).

This year is really a biggie for me though.  God put this one on my heart.  I have struggled with trust for most of my life I guess.  I have a father who left our family and despite my efforts, has no relationship with us.  When your earthly father lets you down like that early in life, it can be hard to trust your heavenly Father completely.  I have had faith in God my whole life but I am not sure I have 100% trusted God my whole life.  I know I have trusted in Him with a lot of things.  But I am not sure I have completely resigned ALL of my trust to HIM.  Somehow, I had the need to try to control whatever I thought I could (sound perfectionistic at all?)

Like many of you, friends have betrayed my trust and so have others and thus I really struggle with this.  In the past few years, I have shielded myself from hurt. I sometimes keep people at a "safe distance." I have culled down my very close friends to people I have known forever and I feel like I can really trust.  I don't take risks.  I am not adventuresome. 

I think my fear of flying even stems from this!!  

God used someone to whisper some messages to me last Fall about my trust issues and fears.  This friend made me realize that God gave me gifts and perfectionism is NOT one of them.  He gave me a spirit of excellence but not one of fear or perfectionism.   As I really reflected on what she told me and prayed and meditated on God's word, I realized that God was just beginning to reveal what I needed to work on.

So my word for 2013 is TRUST.


{I think I need this from Etsy to hang above my desk}


I am going to trust that God will guide the path and provide as I expand my business (and trust that the rent money will come too each month for my new office!)

I am going to trust that God will heal Harry.

I am going to trust life more and circumstances in general. Fear creeps into my thoughts from time to time (especially in cars on freeways since my accidents) but I am trusting that God has it ALL under control.

When you are not really trusting, you don't have as much spontaneous FUN in life either.
I want to laugh more and be silly more.  I want to dance around my kitchen more and kiss my husband "just because" more.  I want to trust enough that I am not always living by a plan or a goal or a rule.  I want to fly by the seat of my pants once in a while (I never do that!)

I am going to work on trusting others more and letting them closer.  It takes some energy to keep people at safe distances to avoid more hurt.

I am trusting y'all as I share my heart with you here:)  It wasn't vey easy to do.

I think this might be the hardest thing I do in life but I TRUST that God is going to help me do it this year!  Have you chosen a word or made some goals for 2012?  Please share.

Also, please continue to pray without ceasing for Ivy Joy.  She was being transported by air ambulance this afternoon back to Boston.  You can check their blog for updates.

39 comments:

  1. Trust is a very good thing! Good for you!!

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    1. Thank you Snick. It is good AND hard for some of us.

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  2. I agree with you trust is a hard one, and like you I have been hurt by those who claim to love me. When my son was diagnosed with Tetrology of Fallot when I was 19 weeks pregnant, I thought that if I had enough faith that when he came out the diagnosis would be wrong and that his heart would be healed. It wasn't, but I don't think it was because I didn't have enough faith. Having Roman has taught me so much. He has brought our family together and made us stronger. He has given people the opportunity to serve and to teach them to have faith as they prayed for his surgery. No, it wasn't easy. Yes, it was hard watching him be in pain. No, it won't be easy to see him have another surgery down the road. What I do know is that the Lord loves me and when I have trusted him he has made my life so much better than I have ever dreamed. Just like us adopting from China. I never believed my husband would have a change of heart. He not only talks about our current adoption, but possibly adopting a second child from China. God knew! I pray for your son Harry. I pray his headaches will go away. I pray that he will be made stronger from this experience and that through it he will be even more compasionate than he probaby is. I will pray that your business is a sucess. Good Luck and continue to trust in the Lord. He loves you! Men are that they might have joy!

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    1. Yes, we learn so much in the struggles. James 1:2-4 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and not lacking anything." I try to read this one a lot!!!

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  3. Amen, I love this one ! You must get that wall hanging its perfect.

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    1. Thank you! I feel so blessed that the owner of the ETSY shop is sending me one!!! I hope you can find a word for your year if you so desire.

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  4. PS: still searching for my word for this year.

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  5. Great word and great plan! Wishing you lots of success and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    janet

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  6. Love this post! I'm working on trust too. Having a son in college will do that to you. And a Junior in high school starting to make college decisions and a husband with an expanding business. Good luck to you in your new office - said a little prayer for you Kim.

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  7. This was a wonderful post. Open and honest and one many can relate to, myself included. It takes a certain amount of vulnerability to write about this to an anonymous audience... looks like you are trusting already. Kudos to you!

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  8. I love this post Kim... TRUST is a fabulous word for 2013!

    I just want to mention something - that rendering of the verse, the end part that says... "and He will make your paths straight" - well, there is another rendering that says, "and He will direct your paths". Somehow I always feel the first rendering makes it sound like the Lord is going to make everything perfect, so that's kinda the reason I have a hard time with that version of this verse. Sometimes the path isn't going to be straight, it's going to be crooked and things in life aren;t going to be perfect, unfortunately! If they were, we would have no reason to trust Him!! There will always be struggles and times that you might wonder, why me Lord? But you and I both know that it's these moments in life that refine us, they make us more beautiful, they help us draw HIM and alongside others, to comfort them...

    It truly is one of my favourite verses. And I need it daily. I might trust one day and the next day it is gone... it is so easy to say you have faith, until you're going through a lot... and I know you have had your fair share this past year.

    Blessings.

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    1. Yes, Jill. I agree and I know that other rendering as well. I prefer it too. I truly believe that it is in our struggles that we grow with the Lord. I have never ever ever asked Why me, Lord? Even back when I was diagnosed with MS when the boys were very little. I think we each are blessed and we each have crosses to bear. There is a verse in John, I think (I need more time to find it) about embracing our troubles because they bring us closer to God.

      Thank you for your kind and insightful comment. I feel like the make our paths straight means He will show us the right paths for us even if they are bumpy and curvy:)

      Blessings to you too.

      Kim

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  9. Hi Kim,
    Thanks for this! My Dad got me a red, leather prayer journal for Christmas becuase he knows about my struggles with this. It says "Keep Calm and Pray On" and I LOVE IT! It was by far my favorite gift. I am working on trusting, too. My goal is to catch myself (become more aware of) worrying, fearing, etc. and STOP TO PRAY. I am trying to retrain my brain, if you will, to not let those thoughts take over. I do TRUST, but I don't know how well I ACCEPT. It is so easy to TRUST and BE FAITHFUL when things are going well. I wrote to you last fall about witnessing the most horiffic car accident on our way to Hilton Head. It shook my faith to the core. I also am terrified of flying. We are taking our six year old to Disney this summer and I already lay down at night and worry about the flight. I also struggle terribly with people saying things about "God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason." I don't know that I will ever accept those responses. Thanks again for this post and keep us updated.
    Cheers to TRUSTING in 2013!
    Amanda

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    1. Amanda, Thank you for sharing here too. What a thoughtful gift from your father!! I have a prayer journal and sometimes I am good about using it and other times not so much. This motivates me to use it more regularly!! I remember you writing to me and I hope things are getting better. Kim

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  10. Trust is a great word for 2013! I appreciate you sharing your heart. I can relate - my word for 2013 is "Believe!" I'm believing for Big miracles this year for our Lily. My verse for the year is "Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” I'm believing even though I'm not seeing it yet! Blessings to you for a fabulous year!

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    1. Rachel, I love your word and your verse. I will pray for miracles for Lily too.

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  11. Thank you for sharing Kim. I am so sorry what you went through in your past. I think we all have things that are difficult to share. You were brave for sharing such a personal story with all of us. I commend you. I too have had a difficult past and find it hard to talk about. I think sometime it is easier to pretend it didn't happen then to have to face it. You are an inspiration to many. I don't like to post often, but had to after reading your heartfelt story. I'm starting to turn a corner with you. I am always leery of saying too much or wonder where information may end up when posting on line. Again, a trust issue.

    Since I am on a role, aka home sick today, I wish you the best with your new office. I can't wait to see the photos and hear all about your success.

    Hugs from CT.
    Caroline

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement Caroline. It REALLY meant a lot to me as I was doubting whether I should have ever hit publish. I hope you feel better and thank you for the good wishes!!!

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  12. Thank you for being so brave and sharing that, Kim. It's inspiring to me. If I had to choose a word for this year, it would be peace. I don't choose it because I currently have a lot of peace in my life (or heart) because I do not. My mom had uterine cancer in 2011 and stuggled greatly with it - surgery, chemo, an "iffy" prognosis for the future. But she beat it - or so we all thought. We found out this past summer, only months after she finished the chemo, that is is back - bigger than it ever was, and spreading into new areas. She is on an experimental drug at the Mayo Clinic now, but the future looks bleak for her. She feels terrible, and I can't even put into words how hard it is to sit and watch her suffer. And that goes double for my seven-year-old daughter (who IDOLIZES her grandma) and for my dad . . . who has had her by his side for over 40 years. I am going to ask God to help me with the idea of peace this year: peace in my heart and peace in my mind so that whatever ends up happening with my mom's health I can somehow believe it is what God planned all along. I wish I thought this would be easy, but I don't feel that way at all. I honestly cannot imagine life without my dear, sweet mom. But I pray that God will give me a sense of peace.

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    1. Carrie, I have thought about your family since you e-mailed me some of this a while back. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. You have my prayers for PEACE.

      Kim

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  13. Trust is so hard. I am really trusting that God has a wonderfull plan for me. I have to trust, have faith and believe. I think trust is an amazing words for the year,

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    1. MCW, It is so hard to trust but honestly once something switches on to trusting God , everything changes.

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  14. Thanks so much for sharing from the heart. It means so much to your readers.
    My word is Patience.

    Hoping you have a blessed year!

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    1. Jennifer, That is a hard one but I am sure God will bless you in your year of patience. Thank you for sharing .

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  15. I have been following your blog for a few months now (found through Paige's Simple Thoughts). I too live in Houston and have three children - my oldest is 14 - youngest just turned 9. Your post on trust resonated with me. I see myself in a similar way - not spontaneous - not the FUN mom! I too have struggled with fear, and don't often open myself up fully to others! So - my word for 2013 is JOY. As in choose JOY. In all things - with my kids, my husband, my relationships....
    Thanks for being so open and honest on your blog - love it!

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    1. JOY is a great word, Sue! I contemplated that one too and I am sure it will eb a word for me some year. I wish you a JOYFUL year!

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  16. Very proud of you and the woman of God that you are! You go, girlfriend!!!

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  17. So proud of you and the woman of God that you are. You go, girlfriend!

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    1. Thank you Tessa. That means a lot to me.

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  18. Kim, your words really struck a chord with me. My dad was just kind of harsh and distant. Never touched us except to discipline us..was usually either yelling at us or ignoring us and it really felt like daily rejection. A less than ideal relationship with your earthly father ABSOLUTELY effects your relationship with the Heavenly Father (and Husband). I, too, have been a believer since childhood but more than three decades later I still feel like I'm working on what my relationship with God is supposed to "look" like. There have been big strides here and there. I'll never forget the first time I heard, in a sermon, the passage in the Bible that refers to God as "Abba", which translates to "Daddy"...and this was just like a wow moment for me. I wasn't allowed to call my Dad that because he thought it was too immature sounding. My Dad has mellowed over the years and I've learned a bit about his issues with his Dad, who was given up for adoption by his Father around age seven after his Mother abandoned the family and while it doesn't excuse things, it helps them make more sense. Anyway, sorry for the rambling comment. Thanks for your courage and transparency in sharing this. And after some the recent happenings in the world and in our own country..I think trust a very good word for 2013. And I'm praying for wonderful things for you, for Harry, and for your new business this year.

    Gin


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    1. Gin, Thank you so much for you comment. It is good to now that this resonates with others cause it was hard to put out there.I am going to pray for you regarding this too. You know what...my Dad grew up without a Dad and other family challenges so that explains it a bit too. Big hugs,
      Kim

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  19. Good word. My word for the new year is beauty, for two reasons. The first is a little embarrassing - I've let myself go a bit, so I'm committed to making more of an effort in my personal apperance. The second part of my theme with this word, is to try and notice, and acknowledge the simple beauty around me each day.

    By the way, Will looks so sweet in his tux. Glad it was a great experience for the all of the kids!

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    1. Thank you Jen. it is important to take the time to notice all the beauty that surrounds our lives. Great choice!

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  20. I struggle with TRUST, so I probably should have picked that as my word for 2013. Trust is such a freeing thing! I pray it becomes a way of life for you.

    I picked INTENTIONAL. I want to be intentional in all areas of my life....

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  21. Love this Kim, TRUST is a great word for 2013! I pray this year will be FULL of TRUST ~ with your business plan, with Harry, through the not-so-rosy times, and most definitely in the form of dancing-in-the-kitchen, kissy-face, flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants FUN!! Happy 2013!!
    xx

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  22. oh, boy, do I ever see myself in your words. thanks for the courage it took to write this and for the help you have given to us, your readers. love, donna

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Thank you for your kindness.