His plan

Monday, October 17, 2011
burb_2613


In our very, very long and complicated wait for Kate, I used to wonder why it was God's plan for our children to be spaced so far apart.  Will is 9 years older than Kate and he will be in college when she is in 4th grade.  But now it is becoming more clear to me why God planned it this way. Kate provides such a ray of sweet cuddly sunshine in my life as I navigate the moody, difficult and extremely trying teenage years for the first time. Five year olds and 14 year olds could NOT be more different.

I am thinking I need to start a support group for Moms of teens.  Any takers?

Burb_2618

31 comments:

  1. I can only tell you that it gets a lot better once your children turn 15 or 16 ...or at least for girls it does. My eldest just went off to university overseas at age 18..and I know why God placed my dream in my heart for more children when my eldest was 9 too....it was to help me get through the moodiness of adolescence with my eldest (and in retrospect she was very easy) and the emptiness in my heart as my eldest is now far away at university. I miss the sound of every door shut too hard (previously I thought I wouldn't miss this) and if I didn't have the sound of my two youngest (aged 8 1/2 and 4 1/2) I just don't know what I would do.

    I say embrace the moodiness of your eldest (even on those difficult days) because time flies...and then its done.

    From a mom, of three wonderful daughters...who misses her eldest terribly even as I am happy that she is happy...

    CTG from RQ (oh and p.s..happy to join a support group because I know DD#2 is going to give me a run for my money when she turns 13).

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  2. i guess it must be so difficult but regarding how you "drive" your familly and the deep implication you have with your chuldren you will succeed in this difficult teen period .
    I can't share though about it with you , i'm more in the 5 years old "thinks" even if my older daughter behave like a teen sometimes ( rebellion time every time !)
    i 'm so with you ...

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  3. Oh sign me up!! I have said this EXACT same thing over and over...Lucy brings a light to my life while I am discussing college, PSAT's, curfews, and driving restrictions, phone usage...lol Parenting teenagers is hard and exhausting especially ages 14-17....thinking of you!

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  4. I can soooo relate to you. Our son is now 15 and our daughter is 4 so there is an 11 year old difference. Now that he is 15, things are starting to smooth out "attitude" wise but is has been a hurdle and a lot of "discussions". I am now seeing he is becoming such an awesome big brother and more responsible. It hasn't been easy but I am seeing the upswing now. Fourteen was the toughest year we have had with him so praying that will be the same for you!!

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  5. I agree w/Diana "It does get better"! Our kids are now 30, 26, 24 and 22. We have weathered the teen years and came out unscathed. Diana, it brings my husband and I great pleasure when we visit our kids and we laugh and talk about "those days"! They have personally THANKED us for "sticking to our guns" and not giving in. They acknowledged that they would "test the waters", but deep down inside they knew we set rules and guidelines because they KNEW we loved them. That is proof that they DO LISTEN! :)

    We are adopting our NOW 4yr old (by the way that takes place on Nov 18, NAT'L ADOPTION DAY) and we plan to raise her in the same manner. We know times have changed TREMENDOUSLY since our bio-kids was her age, but she has 4 wonderful siblings to help us navigate these "new age teens".

    Wishing you the best, Will is a smart young man, he is just "testing the waters". You have given him a great foundation to build from. It will get better...I promise!

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  6. Me, me, me!!! Hand raised high in the air :) We're dealing with it here BIG TIME, only problem is I don't have a Kate to snuggle on when the hormones of the teen take over. Hang in there. This too shall pass! ... I hope :)

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  7. Sign me up too! When times are good with my 13 year old they are really good. When times are bad, they are really bad. It can change on a dime as well. Fun times!

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  8. Sign me up too.....our oldest is a boy and is 16 and then our daughter is 12 and our youngest is 6. I feel the same way as I wished our children were closer in age but like you our Emma is a ray of sunshine when our older 2 show their moodiness and think the world revolves around them at times. When Kyle graduates highschool Kira will just start grade 9 and when she graduates Emma will start grade 9. Emma tells me when she is the only one left home she will get to sleep with mommy and daddy and not have to share us....ha ha ha she likes to climb into our bed now but I have a feeling she will think differently when she is starting highschool....oh she keeps us laughing!!

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  9. Argh... the early teenage years! ; ) But as someone else commented above... embrace it as time flies too fast when it comes to children!

    I have 2 that have emerged on the other side of the "nonsense" -18 and soon to be 20... and one that is just showing signs of breaking free - he is 16.

    My oldest are grown and at University - so happy to plan their semesters abroad and co-ops around this great country... and weekends home have become the last thing on their agenda. Number 3 will join them in a few years ....

    I can't imagine not having littles to fill our home with laughter and joy and sweetness... and I even look forward to their teenage nonsense now that I have proof (3x) that it all eventually gets back to normal...

    But the funniest thing I see with having "littles" and "bigs"... is that my older kids never talked about ACT tests and which University they would pick, what country they plan to fly off to for a semester abroad, and what car they would drive at 16.... my littles have big plans in all these areas and discuss it amongst themselves frequently! They make me smile as it is so funny to hear them talk about such big kid stuff while they are still sitting in booster seats!!! : ) ... they are mature beyond their years.

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  10. I can relate, my oldest boy (19) is my moody one that sometimes drives me crazy. Yet my second son has been so easy and pleasant (17), just different personalities. I've learned with headstrong teenagers, the worst thing to do is tell them what to do. They have a mind of their own and deal with so much each day, embrace their qualities and keep a sense of humor. It will get better, just don't expect perfection. Thank goodness for our ray of sunshine little girls!

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  11. Sometimes I think back about what I was like as a teen and wonder how my parents (specifically my mom did it) and I think I was a fairly easy teen. Kate looks adorable in the pics. xo

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  12. having little bit come along later in life has been delightful. three teen girls can be a doozy

    thankfully having a refreshing 'simple' little one brings some much needed balance.
    love these picture of that pretty girl :)

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  13. I am really not looking forward to it again, kind of a love hate relationship with those teenage years! My older 3 were 10, 12 and 13 when John David was born and I remember just hugging him close as we navigated through those years. My first husband passed away when they were in early elementary school and I remarried as they were approaching the teens. I always told my new husband that I really thought I was good at this mothering thing until then, all new territory! Now with a 4 and 9 year old and 2 out of college and 1 in it is all so much easier. They all miss each other so and those moody , indecisive years are over.
    All I can say is hang on and just love them through it....it really does go by so fast and all of a sudden you will be on the phone with your college student and he will say something so mature and profound that you will hold the phone away from you and ask, "who in the world am I talking to, is this really the same child?" :) All these rough years of parenting will pay off and you will begin to see the sweet child that you remember from his early years....I promise!!

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  14. My mom always said if she would have had my brother before her 2 girls and had to deal with his teenage years first she wouldn't have survived. And I can remember being not so nice to my parents either. Must be nice to still have a cuddle bug at home!

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  15. Take notes for me!!!!!

    Kate looks adorable in her Burberry dress!!!!! She is a beauty Kim!!!!

    Sorry I missed your call!

    Love,
    Di

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  16. My adopted Chinese sister and I are 20 years apart... and it could not be more perfect. While I struggled with feeling as if she should be MY child instead of my Mom's, now I get to be the "wicked cool" 27 year old big sister who she brags about to her friends-- and my husband has always been her "brother', NOT her "brother-in-law".
    God has PERFECT timing.

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  17. I was so busy commenting on the "teen years" I forgot to mention how ADORABLE Kate's dress is!! I have been trying to find one like that, as my girl has the shoes! Would you mind sharing where you found it?

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  18. Sign me up!

    We have an 18 year age span between the youngest and the oldest and I LOVE it. It's fun to see the big picture all at once. I think it helps me keep perspective when you see how development goes in phases and stages and that most of those stages, even the ones that aren't much fun, pass all too quickly.

    I have found that my kids have had different ages and stages that were individually most challenging but the teenage years can be the trickiest because teenagers send such mixed messages. One moment the let you in, the next they shut you out, and when they do shut you out, they blame you for not understanding them. It sometimes feels like a game, or a test, that they set up in a way that you can't possibly win regardless of how earnest and supportive you try to be. I am not sure this always ends by the time they reach the end of their teenage years, either. With some I suspect it will go a bit longer :(

    The age span helps keep me sane. When I've had enough of the teenage angst, and need a break, it's fun to be able to go and have a tea party or read a picture book with a little person who still thinks you've hung the moon! And when I have had enough of toddler tantrums or potty accidents, I can go talk about music, art, politics, news, books, life, etc. with one of the big kids.

    I wanted to mention that of all my siblings, I was closest to my brother who was 9 years older. The age span, as we got older, really meant nothing and my mom was happy that we weren't all too close in age. She didn't want it all to pass in a flash.

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  19. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you! Henry is only 7 weeks and I am already dreading the teen years ;) Wow, Kate....with a face like that she could make anyones day 100 times brighter, what a cutie!

    God's plan....always perfect even when we can't see it.

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  20. My oldest sister is 17 and my youngest sister is 2! God works in crazy ways :)

    Ruthie from Journey with Joy

    www.joymontague.blogspot.com

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  21. Tell me about it!!!!
    Kim, I can SO relate. We have 2 in college, 2 teens at home in high school, then a little 3 year old sweetheart that keeps us all laughing.
    I just THOUGHT we were done after 4 kids ......HA!!!! We have started over.
    Also, we are going back to China for another!
    I would have never thought we would have 6 kids ...... SOOOOO spaced apart.
    Good thing God has the perfect plan for us.

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  22. I couldn't agree more!!! Daniel is 20, Jordan 18, Nicholas 13 and my sweet baby girl from China, Gabriella is 4 and I absolutely LOVE it!! It's the best form of "therapy" in the entire world!!!

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  23. I am in for the teen support group! It is horrid!

    lea
    xo

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  24. (hee hee) I always tell people who are having a difficult time with their small children that this is nothing! Wait until they are teenagers!! Your boys have great heads on their shoulders and you are an amazing mom, it will be fine:)

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  25. Oh no! You poor thing! I can only imagine how awful the teen years are. I am completely dreading them. Hang in there and I hope to learn from you!

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  26. Kim, Like the rest of your blog friends, I can commiserate. Our 18 year is off and doing amazing things but I still have our 13 year old twin boys keeping me hopping. Little Lucey Lu is that sweet, precious 4 year old who makes us smile. We all feel her reay of sunshine. I agree with your posters... the wee years are the easiest. Count me in! :-)

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  27. We are in the same boat at our house, and I wouldn't trade my silly, happy girls and the age difference for anything! Makes for really tired parents, though! :o)

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  28. I love that my boys and girls are spread out!!! Mine range from 6 years to almost 29 years old..and it's so perfect!!! These pictures of Kate are beautiful as is she...I have not forgotten your dress...it's been nuts with the wedding but will get it out to you soon..have a wonderful weekend.

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  29. Take me with you!! I am totally feeling it!!

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  30. Kate looks adorable in this outfit! My oldest is 15 and I have a 13 year old daughter (OH MY!)! We are really enjoying our 8 and 5 year olds these days! :)

    and count me into the support group please!

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Thank you for your kindness.