Lessons from my 13 year old son {sunday snapshot}

Some of this story is old and some of it new. I debated whether to write it and whether to share it. I will share it for now because it might reach someone else out there. I needed to write it because it is part of Will's story and I guess part of mine too.
I have shared before that Will was born with a growth in the layers of his skull. It put pressure on his brain and he could not really use one side of his body as a baby. It made his face lopsided and he could not crawl. We did not know if it was cancerous. It was a frightening time. He had a major portion of his skull removed when he was 6 months old. He recovered beautifully and proceeded develop at a normal rate. In fact, he is incredibly intelligent, thoughtful and funny. However, as I have mentioned before, we did years of speech therapy and physical therapy and occupational therapy to get where we are today.

As Will got older some kids teased him about the "bald spot" on the side of his head. He has a scar over half his head and it all healed beautifully except this one spot right above his ear. His hair covered it a lot of the time but when he swam, people would notice it and make comments. It was also really noticeable when his hair was short. For years, Will asked us if he could have it fixed when he got older. And for years, I tried to talk him out of it. I would tell him that we all have something we don't like about ourselves. I would remind him that kids will just find something else to tease about. I told him that he is exactly as God intended him to be. However, we always promised him that when he got older we would look into getting it fixed if he really felt strongly about it.

Well, this year, Will really pressed us about our promise. After a lot of stalling, I finally made an appointment with the pediatric cranio-facial plastic surgeon (supposedly one of the best in the US). He originally did the opening and closing for the neurosurgeon who did Will's surgery as a baby. At the consult, he made sure to ask Will if HE wanted the surgery or if Mom and Dad wanted it. Will told him that he was the one who wanted it. The surgeon assured us it would be easy to fix the part that had not healed well.
I did not really want to do the surgery. I was afraid he might scar worse this time. I was afraid of the anesthesia. I did not want to put my son (or myself) through the stress of an elective surgery. But, I had to do it because I knew that Will really wanted it. I knew how strongly he felt about it.
So, this June, Will had the surgery. It all went really well. The scar looked fabulous and Will spent about a month taking it easy at home so that things would heal well. We were all thrilled as the new scar looked incredible....until the night before Will left for camp. It turned red and looked wide. It was a Saturday night and Will was scheduled to leave for camp at 6 am the next morning. Dave was out of town with Harry. I did not know what to do. I put some cream on it and Will went to camp for 2 weeks. I called the camp nurse and they checked on his scar at camp. They gave him special ear plugs for the skeet range because the regular ones would rub against his scar. We took every precaution. However, when we picked him up, we could see that the scar had spread. It was wide and red. I took him back to the plastic surgeon this week.
Unfortunately, the surgeon does not know why this happened or how. He said it is nothing we did (or he did) wrong.
I am really upset. The scar area is now bigger and will likely end up being worse and more noticeable than it was in the first place. I literally have felt sick about this for days. It makes me sad that it is bigger and will possibly be even more noticeable than it was in the first place. I have anger and disappointment that I don't know where to put. I do realize that looks really do not matter and that we are so incredibly blessed in our lives. I praise and thank God for bringing Will so far. But still, this situation pains me.
The other day when we got home from the surgeon's appointment, I sat down with Will. I said, "Will, I am going to be blunt with you (the surgeon was not). The scar might end up being just as it was before. It might even be bigger than it was before. I am telling you this so that you can be prepared and I am so so very sorry."
My son stunned me by saying,
"That is okay Mom. I leaned a lot about myself by going through this experience and I realized that it doesn't really matter if I have a scar on the side of my head. I spent years covering it with my hand and my hair and I don't need to do that. Who cares? At camp, kids thought I was attacked by a shark and I went along with it for fun!"
I wanted to shake him and say....you had to have the surgery to learn what Dad and I have been trying to tell you for YEARS!!!!! But, I didn't. I hugged him tightly with tears in my eyes and told him how very proud I am of him.
I have much to learn from him.