Five years ago today

Dearest Kate Emerson Ru,

It was exactly 5 years ago today that we saw your sweet face for the very first time (in her referral photo; not in person).  Five years ago today my heart began to grow in ways I never could have imagined.  On that special day, God revealed to us who had been chosen for our family. What a blessing that day and every single day since has been.

You have brought such laughter and joy to our household.  You make us laugh so hard at the dinner table (and you always have).  You have softened the boys and you have taught us all things about ourselves that we needed to learn.  We all love you fiercely.

As I have blogged about before, when I saw your referral photo standing in the streets of China, I had so many questions. I wanted to know everything about you. I could not wait to get to know that little (BIG) personality inside of you.  Today, we are such buddies.  I know you better than anyone in the world.  I am your biggest cheerleader.  You are my snuggle bunny.  You are my sunshine.

For our mini shoot today...Kate started out kinda serious.  But in true Kate style, she got fun and silly.  She thought it would be fun to turn the photo sideways:)

{For those of you new to 3 peanuts, you can read about the first time we ever saw Kate's referral photos here (it is a good story) and here.  Every year on February 1st, I take a photo of Kate holding her referral photo.  You can see all of the years here . }

My sweet dumpling just said, "Mama, I was wondering if you'd like to watch Miss Spider's sunny patch kids with me?"  And guess what---- I cannot think of one thing I'd rather do right now.  So, I am off to cuddle and watch with her:)  I am so blessed.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11.

A letter to my 5 year old... {Sunday Snapshot}

Dear Kate Emerson Ru,

I truly cannot believe you are FIVE years old.  It seems like just yesterday that I held you for the first time in the Richmond airport.  It was instant love.  How has it been over four years already?

This morning we were having a family meeting about summer time rules and expectations and you were being so cute.  Out of the blue, Dad jokingly said to you,"when did you get here?"  And without skipping a beat you replied, "just in time." You did come to our family just in time.   And you brought laughter, pink, magic, softness and spontaneity with you to our family.

This year you learned so many new things.  I saw you spread your wings in ways I had not seen before.  You really became independent.  For the first few years you used to follow us around the house all day long.  Dad and I used to joke that you must be so bored watching the rest of us life live.  You seemed to  be content to simply observe for the first four years of life.  But not this year.  This year you soared.  You learned to play independently which was HUGE for me.  You still don't play with toys a lot but you read books, do art, play dress up and set up tea parties by yourself.  You have learned to entertain yourself which I think is a huge lesson in life that will serve you well.

This year I also saw how determined you are.  You set some goals for yourself and you worked relentlessly to achieve them.  This one of the things I love most about you....your "can do" spirit.

Just this year you...

Started Sunday school and learned so much about Jesus and the Bible.

You learned how to blow a bubble.

You mastered the monkey bars (this one took months of perseverance)...

Dad taught you to ride a bike without training wheels in record time....

You are learning how to read (video coming soon)...

You have become a great swimmer....

You figured out how to rollerblade....

And you taught yourself how to yo-yo.

You are working like heck to whistle and sometimes you get it just right:)

{here you are trying to whistle while I am trying to get a photo!}

You love all the nicknames I have for you (pudding, dumpling, cupcake, Ru, Katie Ru, pumpernickel, pumpkin) and you often tell me new ones to call you for the day. Last week you suggested asparagus one day and the next day you wanted to be called Katie instead of Kate:)

Kate, you are a generous and kind friend, a cuddle bug, and a sweet sister.  I love having you for a daughter. You can wrestle like nobody's business with your brothers (and you even know some Judo moves) and a minute later you can pirouette around the house like a prima ballerina! You have the grace and manners and composure to sit still at a fancy tea but you can laugh at the potty humor you unfortunately hear sometimes (from your brothers!).  You make us all laugh when we need it the most.  You are truly gifted in the arts and many people have pointed that out to us lately.  You can draw and paint with such talent.  And you are an amazing dancer.  I cannot wait to see how those God given talents mature along with you.

{one of your recent paintings}

In a few months, you will spread your wings even further as you start kindergarten.  I know you will do great things.  Don't forget that you will never be too big for a snuggle-cuddle in Mama's lap though.  I love the relationship we have.  We are so close and I hope that never changes.  Even though it drives me crazy somedays, deep down I love hearing you say, "Mama?!" 100 times a day.  I hope you always call me Mama.

Most of all you have a love for God and for His goodness.  I love you very much and am so proud God chose me to be your Mama!

Love,
Mom

P.S. Tomorrow night I will post the photos of how we celebrated on Kate's birthday!

My little dumpling {forever family 2011 part 2}

{converted to black and white with Florabella BW Blush Action-see my sidebar for a link}

My little dumpling,

You have been in our family for four years now and honestly it is sometimes hard to remember a time when you were not a S______.  Each of our children brings some unique blessings to our family and one thing you bring is pure joy!  Your laughter and your smile centers our family.  Some of us around here are quite serious, you know.  But you can make us laugh like crazy.  

The other night when we were watching your homecoming video, you looked at me and said, I loved you Mama.  You said this as we were watching the first moment that I held you in the airport.  I said, "Aww, I love you too Kate."  And you corrected me.  You said,  "NO, I loved you then Mama...when I first met you in the airport." You were trying to tell me that your love for me was as immediate as mine was for you!  And it was.  You never cried or rejected me.  It felt like it was always meant to be from that very first second.

You adore your brothers and your Daddy and you are very verbal about how much you love our family. I know that as you grow up you will have many questions but I hope you will never question how much you are loved.  Because you are SO VERY loved.


All my love,
Mom

P.S.  I have loads of little nicknames for you, Kate. However, recently you have told me that I should call you "my little dumpling."  So I am:)

I wish that I had the time for a real mini photo shoot but I have not had a second..

These were shot on the way out the door to school last week.  Love the silly face as she crinkles up her nose:)

A few people asked where I got Kate's apron from two posts ago.  I ordered them from Kate Landers.  And I have a matching one.  They are absolutely darling!  

I am linking up to Lisa's black and white Wednesdays today for that first black and white.

A morning to remember

Added: Kate's clippie is form here.

Dear Kate,

I want to remember this day forever. It started off so simple. A bag of stale hoagie rolls prompted me to take you to the park to feed the ducks.  It was a perfect Spring day...blue skies, gorgeous sunshine and a breeze that was a little crisp.  We sat in the sunshine feeding the ducks.  You were so excited when they ate your bread.  I loved watching the joy on your face. A bride was being photographed at the park.  When you saw her, you said she was a princess:)

Then, we strolled over to the garden center and walked around smelling the roses. There were roses of every color and we soaked up all the beauty around us.  You decided that instead of the snack I packed, you wanted to munch on the stale duck bread:)

While we were in the rose garden, you spied the train. Immediately, you asked for a ride. It was nearing lunch and nap time so Mom told you that maybe the choo choo had to go eat lunch and take its nap. Your quick response was that "the choo choo isn't hungry."  So, we hunted down the train station and rode the train through the park.  This was my favorite part of the day.  You snuggled up to me and held both of my hands for the whole 20 minute ride.  I looked down at our entwined hands and wanted to imprint that image in my mind forever.  I know that no matter how badly I want to hold on to that memory... it may fade.  I have ridden that train dozens of times with Will and Harry and I know the memories all blur into one another over the years.  That is why I am writing this down.  I know that life is all about these special little moments.  And today was full of them with you.

When the train went over some water, you jumped into my lap and squeezed my neck.  You told me you were scared.  I whispered in your ear that I will always be there to keep you safe.  And I mean it.  

On the way home, you asked for "chicka fila."  We do not really eat fast food (boys allergies) but you have had chic-fil-a a few times and you love it.  So, Mommy indulged you on this perfect Spring Day.  Kate, you warm my heart and I am so glad we had this sweet and special morning. 

I love you as high as the sky and as deep as the ocean,

Mommy.

P.S.  This is not my adoption anniversary letter to Kate.  I have a lot going on this week (some of our best friends are visiting from out of the country, hosting book club at my house, baseball, etc).  So, I have not had a chance to post that and go through the photos.  Sorry. I am also sorry that I have not had time to check in on many blogs.  Life has just gotten too busy.  I will check in with y'all soon. I wanted to write and post this before the warm memories of today fade into the daily grind.

I hope I remember it forever.

Meeting Kate

(Turn off the music at the bottom of the page before you watch.  Sorry the quality is poor Y*utube stripped the music).

Today is the day I met my daughter two years ago.   Words will never be adequate enough describe the magic of that moment. You see, my whole life, I knew God had planned for her. I always knew. Always.

Probably as a mode of self-protection, I set my expectations low for the beginning.  I had read a lot about adoption and attachment and how it is all a process. I knew that I might not feel the immediate bond.  She was a stranger.  I was a stranger. She had never seen a woman with blonde hair.  She had just traveled for 25 hours with an ear infection. I knew that many adoptive Moms feel like a babysitter for a while. I thought I might feel that way too.  It is normal.  However, I was fortunate.  The moment Kate and I looked at each other....there was a spark.  We both knew. We knew that we were meant to be Mom and daughter.  Luckily, that moment was recorded on video and film (well DSLR).

This was the moment.  I swear there was electricity in the air as she looked right into my eyes. I knew I was her Mom and she knew she was my daughter.  She did not shed one tear.  She did not pull away from me.  She was completely comfortable in my arms.

I must be honest here.  I know many people who read this are embarking on adoption. Kate Emerson is a little "high maintenance."  She is sweet and happy and smart and funny.  But she arrived with some baggage (they all do). Any child who is cared for by one person for their infancy and then suddenly given to another person will have some issues (even if they have little or no memory, even if they are only 10 months old as Kate was). It was not all happiness and light. She does not trust easily. We can rarely use babysitters with her. She has pushed my buttons more than Will and Harry ever did as toddlers. She has had more illnesses, more attachment issues, more sleep issues and she is quite opinionated. 

But as I have said before, I had to earn her love, earn her trust.  And because of that our bond runs incredibly deep.  Kate has taught me more about myself and more about life than any other person.  God knew that would happen too.  She is a great blessing and I love her to the very depths of my soul.

Tonight we will celebrate our forever family day.  We will sing and have a treat with 2 candles for the 2 years Kate Emerson has been in our family.  Later tonight, I will write her a letter as I did last year.

As a note to myself....this is our third April 4th with Kate and she has been very sick for all of them. I noticed in looking back at last year's Forever Family posts, I wrote that Kate was sick. She is sick now again. She had two good days this week and now is relapsing.  And she came home from China two years ago with a fever and bad ear infection.  I wonder what it is about this time of year for her.

I will post photos and my letter tomorrow or Monday:)

I wonder

I wonder if she sang happy birthday to you in her heart this morning as I sang it to you (and you sang it too).

I wonder if she is thinking and dreaming about you all day long as I am too.

I wonder what it was like for her two years ago when you came into this world.

I wonder if her heart breaks today not knowing where you are.

I wonder if she can even imagine the beautiful life you have and the love that surrounds you.

I wonder if she knows that I pray for her today and everyday.

I wonder if she prays for you too.

I wonder if she knows the joy you have brought our family.

I wonder if she aches for you.  I know that feeling too.

I wonder if she knows how very blessed we feel and how thankful we are for her selfless love.

Happy 2nd Birthday Kate Emerson!

(Kate has a fever today but I took her to one of my favorite spots to take photos and she played around there.  To me, she looks sick in the photos (watery eyes, runny nose, solemn) but I still wanted to document her special day!  She had a blast paying in the rocks and I'll post those photos soon:)

A letter to my daughter

Kate had just been home about 10 days in this photo. It is one of my favorites. We were taking her to church for the first time. I tried to get a good one this weekend as we celebrated our forever family day but Kate was runny nosed and grumpy and I was old and haggard looking so this is as good as it gets. I sure have aged this year!


My dearest Kate,


One year ago I had the privilege of holding you for the first time. I will never forget how you looked up at me that first time. You gently looked into my eyes and something miraculous passed between us. You knew that I was your Mommy. You did not cry or look scared or resist me. Just as you knew, I also knew the moment I held you that we would have an unbelievable bond.


This first year with you has flown by. It has been a tough year in some ways. You were blessed to have lived with a foster family in China and I think you missed them very much in the beginning. Every night when we tried to sleep, you cried out. I know you were scared so I did everything I could to comfort you. I have rarely left your side this whole year. Eventually, you learned to trust me, but it took a while to get to where we are now.

I am so thankful to your first two Mama's! Your birth mother in China must be a very brave woman. She obviously could not keep you and we will never exactly know what the circumstances were but we do know that she loved you so much that she wanted you to be found and loved by another family. It is illegal to leave a child in China and the puinshments are severe. Your birth mother risked a lot to gently place you on the hospital steps, a place that she knew you would be easily found. That is a selfless act of love and we will be forever grateful to her. She did not leave you Kate; she made sure you would find a home. I hope she knows the joy that she has given us. I hope she knows that you are deeply loved by your Mommy, Daddy and your brothers.


I am also immensely grateful to your foster Mom. I do not know her name but I have pictures of her. You were found when you were just one day old. You were taken to the orphanage for a physical but then you immediately went home with your foster Mom. You never spent one night in the orphanage. In fact, the orphanage director knew nothing about you because you were never there. It was immediately obvious to us and everyone who met you that you had been SO loved. You immediately knew how to love. You kissed us and hugged us from the very beginning. You knew I was your Mama and you called me that just days after you came home. Your heart is so big and you are so affectionate and I truly believe it is because of the love shown to you by your foster Mom. I promise you that we will go visit her one day and thank her in person for caring for you for the first 10 months of your life.


Kate, this year has been incredible. I have seen your first steps and your first English words. We have celebrated your first birthday, your Baptism and all of your first holidays with us. The joy I see in your eyes fills my heart. You are everything I dreamed you would be and more. I will never, ever forget the first time you looked at me and said I love you. Will and Harry were born loving me. They trusted me from day one. I had to earn your trust and earn your love. It was hard work but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Love that is earned is very special.


There are so many things I love about you. Each morning as I get ready, you sit at my vanity and play with my make-up brushes and imitate me. You love music (you call it oooh-ahhh) and you love when we sit and sing and do finger plays. Whenever I finish a song, you say "more?" in your sweet little voice. You adore your brothers (you call them "the boys") and you look for them around the house when they are at school. And oh how you love your Daddy. You run to him with a HUGE smile when he comes home from work shouting "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" You also love our doggie, Scout. You get very upset when we put her in her kennel and you often let her out when we aren't looking:)


You do not really play with toys. Instead, you follow me around the house trying to do whatever I am doing. This is very different than how your brothers were and I am still getting used to it. We do have lots of tea parties though. You love tea parties! You also love to be outside and that is something else I am getting used to as I am not a real outdoorsy person. You also love to eat and you will eat almost anything. You love fruit (strawberries, grapes, apples, pears and bananas). You also love fish, Chinese food and Mexican food. There is little that you won't eat. You even love your omega fish oil supplements!


Kate if I had to describe you in one word it would be sweet. You are incredibly sweet. You are kind and you are gentle and you are the sweetest little girl I have ever known. I look forward to a lifetime of love and laughter with you.

With so much love,

Mom

This is Kate and her foster Mom less than a week before Dave got her. They gave Dave this photo seconds after they handed Kate to him. I think her foster Mom really wanted to be sure we got it. She also dressed Kate (under the huge orange puffy clothes) in a hand-knit sweater and booties. I think they were made for her and they seem very special. If anyone who has adopted from Nanfeng knows who this woman is, please let me know. I plan to also post it on their Yahoo site.

Sunshiny Day!

Darling Kate,

Today is the day I meet you. Today is the day I become your mommy in every sense of the word. Today, I get to see your smile, touch your skin, look at your sweet fingers and toes. I cannot wait to hear you laugh and see the light in your eyes. I cannot wait to give you a bottle, rock you and hold your hand. In a way, I have waited all of my life for this day. God planted the seed for you in my heart when I was just a little girl. Somehow I always I knew I would adopt a child. In fact, I talked to your Daddy about it before we were married. He wasn't so sure back then, but I knew this day would come.

God blessed us with two beautiful sons but I knew our family was not complete. He led us on a curvy road to you. First, I was misdiagnosed with an auto-immune disease that prompted doctors to suggest that I should not have any more pregnancies. Then, a domestic adoption was brought before us. That did not work out for many reasons, so we began looking at Russia and Korea. Eventually, we chose Korea. We did all of the paperwork and waited in line for about a year. Then, on Mother's Day weekend (2 years ago) we were informed that Korea changed their policy and we were no longer eligible for our request (a daughter). It turns out that I do not have that disease but had one thing gone differently, you would not be ours. God knew you were the one for our family and he put all of the twists and turns in our life to lead us to you.

I know that we will have a blessed life together. You have the most wonderful, patient, loving Dad. Your brothers have waited for you for 3 years too and they cannot wait to try to turn you into a tomboy (I won't let them). Kate, I know your Daddy has stolen your heart already but it better be ready to grow, because I plan to flood your heart with love.

Love,

Mom

I Can See Clearly Now
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (Bright), bright (Bright)
Sunshiny day
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (Bright), bright (Bright)
Sunshiny day
Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (Bright), bright (Bright)
Sunshiny day

This song has been very symbolic for Dave and me. Ever since I met him we would hear this song just after a difficult time (his mother's death, Will's head surgery, Harry's illness, etc). Whenever he hears it and we are apart, he will call me and simply put the phone up to the speaker. It is sort of our theme song. The day after Dave and Will met Kate--I heard this song twice! A sign? Oh, I am quite certain.

Valentine Update

Sweet Kate,

The dinner surprise was incredible! At about 2:30 Daddy scooped up the boys and took them somewhere but he would not tell me where. He told me to expect dinner at about 6:00. So, I had three wonderful, peaceful hours to myself. I was wondering where they were and what they were doing. At about 5:40 Will came inside and said, "Mom, come into the living room. I want to show you my magic tricks." Now, I knew he wanted to keep me out of the kitchen so I wouldn't see the surprise. Will and Harry took turns keeping me out of the way, while Dad set the table and got the food warmed up and ready to serve. At this point, I thought I smelled a familiar favorite dish but I wasn't sure. At exactly 6:00 my handsome boys escorted me to the dining table for the surprise!

They drove about an hour and twenty minutes away to get me one of my favorite meals. Dad and I had our first date at the original Carrabba's in Texas (which has much more character than all of the chains). I love the "Chicken Bryan Texas." It is a grilled chicken breast with goat cheese and sun dried tomatoes on top. It is so yummy! Anyway, your dear, sweet Daddy and brothers drove all that way to get the meal we had on our first date. He is such a romantic and I feel blessed to have him. I also love that he brought Will and Harry with him. I think it is good for them to see what an awesome role model your Dad is for how to be a great husband and father. It was one of the most meaningful meals I have ever eaten. I loved it.

When I asked Will if he was going to do these sweet things for his wife on Valentine's Day he said, "I'm not getting married. I am going to have a simple life with a hedgehog." Oh, that boy cracks me up!!! Harry, however informed us that his "Valentine" is in fourth or fifth grade at the Catholic school. He doesn't know her name though.

Dear Kate, we cannot wait for you to share in all of the joys and laughter we have in this crazy house. I love you.

Mommy