After the college Drop off (part two)

On the way home, We drove to Shana's house again for a night.  We really enjoyed the time with them. Kate rode one of their horses and she loved it. Shana's husband, Michael was so kind and patient working with her (and it was 100 degrees out!).

The drive home was easy but the first month without Will was hard.  REALLY HARD.  See, for reasons I won't go into here...I have made a really conscious effort to build a close family. Aside from having a relationship with God, it has been my number one priority. I know it may not be chic to say this but being a good wife and mother are the most important things to me in this life.  I wanted to give my children unconditional love, healthy boundaries, a faith filled home, values and traditions.   I try every single day to have meaningful connections with each one of my children. I have been intentionally working at this since the day they were born. Honestly, there is nothing that comes before the five people in my house (except God).

So, after working for 19 years to connect with Will, it was hard to disconnect.  Will is a really good kid (all of my kids are) and these last two years of high school, he matured a lot.  He did not need the rules and the discipline of parenting.  He came to me for advice and just to talk.  Almost every night, he would sit in my room and we would talk.  I knew all of his friends and his teachers. He would tell me funny stories about things that happened in class or at water polo practice.  Even though he was gone a lot (he was super social and involved in high school), I always knew where he was and what he was doing.

And then all of a sudden, I didn't.  I had no idea who his friends were.  I did not know anything about his classes or activities.  We did not talk everyday.  Will was busy making new friends and figuring out the campus and clubs and his classes.  He was immersing himself in college life (as he should have been).  And me, well I felt lonely.  I missed our daily talks. I did not get sad when I saw his empty bedroom or place at the dinner table.  I could handle not seeing him physically.  It was the connection I missed. The connection that I worked tirelessly to build for the last 19 years.

That first month or two, Will was very busy and I don't think he gave much thought to us at home. And that is okay.  In fact, it is good. It means we have done our job.  We raised him to be independent. This is what we hoped he would do at this point in life.  It still hurt though.

I cried.  I cried often around 10 o clock every night because that is when we used to talk.  I teared up when I watched The Office on Netflix because he is the one that got me hooked on it and we used to talk about it all the time.  I missed my son.  I missed our friendship. It was very difficult and I felt weak and almost embarrassed that I missed him so much.  After all, I had my career and volunteer work and friends and my husband and other two children to occupy my time and bring me joy.  But, I was somewhat depressed. I even told myself that if it did not better, I would go talk to a counselor.

For as long as I can remember, Will used to ask me every single day how my day was but in September and part of October, no one asked.  Dave and Harry and Kate are thoughtful and kind but Will was the one who asked me every single day how my day was.  Boy, did I miss that.

We had an agreement that we would talk every Sunday and for the first 6 weeks that is mostly when we communicated.  It was not enough for me but I did not want to be a nagging Mom. I did not want to guilt him into talking to me. But I did send him texts from time to time.

Then one day, Will started calling more and texting more.  He started texting and asking "How was your day, Mom?"(Dave may have prompted him to do this). I started asking him to tell me all about his new friends.  He started telling me about all of his professors and classes.  I made a bitmoji (with Harry's help) that is totally obnoxious and silly but I send him bitmojis to make him laugh. I think mostly he laughs AT me but that is okay too.  He sends me pictures now when he and his friends go do fun things.  So, now I know what they all look like and a little about them. They seem like great people.

We don't talk or text every single day but our close and frequent communication is back and that is the hallmark of our relationship.  Will is my talker and it was so hard not having that communication with him in the beginning. I missed it more than I can express.

My relationship with each of my children is unique and special so I am sure that my adjustments and what I will miss will be different as each child leaves the nest and depending on how far they fly.  But I wanted to put this experience out there for others who are going through this or will soon. And honestly, I had no idea how I would feel so this all caught me by surprise.  I don't think we can ever know what it will be like until we go through it.  But I want people to know that if it is really hard, you are not alone.

I am so proud of Will.  When he registered for his dorm, he joined a living learning community (LLC) for Outdoor Leadership.  Will only became "outdoorsy" in the last few years but choosing this LLC was so good for him. He was placed on a floor with other kids in Outdoor Leadership and they became fast friends.  He has found a group of kids in Ohio who seem to have the same values and interests as he does.  He is thriving.  I could not be more proud of how he has adjusted to college life. There have been some bumps in the road and I am sure there will be more.  But he goes to Mass. He washes his sheets. He has gotten involved and made friends.  He gets along with his roommate.  He works part time. He doesn't skip his classes.  This Mama is happy.

And I get to see him Tuesday night.  I have not seen him in 3 months.  I cannot wait to have the whole family under one roof for a few days!


Here are some photos of his first semester at school....

He went white water rafting in TN as part of his Outdoor Leadership seminar.  He loved it.

One of the football games.  Harry was visiting that weekend!

He and his friends go to a lot of the hockey games.  They love them!

This was a party for the campus fashion magazine and some of Will's friends model/write for it.

Canoeing in Indiana for Outdoor Leadership with his roommate, Will.

As you can see, he is happy.  And I am happy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Around here

This post is one of those all over the place random updates of life in our house right now and it is long.  But these are little things that I want to remember...

I am not one to typically binge watch TV at all.  I don't have big blocks of time between work and home life.  However, last week my sister told me about this show called Married at First Sight.  Four experts look at extensive data and match three couples.  The first time they meet is at their wedding.  They have a wedding, a reception,  honeymoon, move in together and try to make it work. It is absolutely fascinating.

I have had my PhD in marriage and family communication for 22 years.  I taught for many years at the college level on gender and communication, relational communication, marriage and family.  Now, I am in private practice helping engaged and married couples navigate the challenges of their relationships.  So, this show is made for me.  I LOVE it.  Season 2 is currently airing but I loved it so much I bought Season 1 on Amazon to watch (Married at First Sight Season 1).  And I watched almost the whole season this week in every spare second I had.

I seriously cannot recommend this show enough if you like relationships like I do.  I absolutely LOVE my job.  I love helping people figure out how to be better partners to one another and this show hi-lights the ups and downs that we all have in marriage.  It focuses on the most important thing though...the commitment to keep doing the WORK.  I see that over and over in my office.  The couples who do the work, make it.  The couples who don't are miserable.  I have said it a million times on this blog but Love is a decision and an action every single day.  And it is interesting to watch that play out on this docu-series as well.

Now I am watching Married at First- The First Year.  These episodes follow the couples from the 6 month though 1 year phase for the couples that stayed together.  It is on demand in some places.

My work is really good.  I try to maintain a pretty small practice so that I can still have time to exercise, meet a friend for lunch once in a while and be involved at the kids' schools.  But it is so hard to find that perfect balance.  Some weeks, I have just a few clients and some weeks I am crazy busy (like this week).  I am really trying to work more because I love it so much but juggling everything part time can be stressful at times.  As many of you know, you often end up feeling like you aren't doing anything as well as you'd like to.  And every time I meet with clients, I am reminded of ways that I can be a better Mom and wife too (which is a good thing).  If you need marriage/parenting/life coaching, feel free to reach out to me (khswales@comcast.net).  I do phone or Skype appointments if you are not in the Houston area.

Will is taking he ACT again today.  It will be the last time he takes it.  He already has a great score but he wanted to take it one more time just to see if he could get another point or two for scholarships. This summer he will take a workshop for writing his college essays and in the Fall he will apply to the colleges of his choice.  I really cannot believe we are at this point in life with him.  The other day, we got the tuition bill for his senior year and there was a cap and gown/gradutaion fee!  I admit that I teared up when I read that.  He turns 18 in June.  My first born son becomes a legal adult.  I know people say it all the time but it really has gone by so fast. I am SO proud of the man he is becoming.

I know a lot of young women without kids or Moms with very young kids read this blog.  Cherish the moments at each and every stage of childhood because they are so fleeting.  Even the tough stages will be ones you look back at with a smile, I promise.

Kate is getting ready to make her first holy communion and she is SO excited.  She really embraces her faith and takes it quite seriously.  A few weeks ago in Sunday school, she learned about Saint Maximilian Kolbe.  He was a Polish man who became a Franciscan priest and gave his life for another man in a Auschwitz.  Kate became so fascinated with his life.  So, when she had to pick an important figure in history to do a report about, she chose him.  Kate attends a public school so her classmates are researching figures like Abe Lincoln, Elvis Presley, Harriet Tubman etc.  But Kate really wanted to do her report on this not very well known Saint (Mother Theresa was her second choice).  I am so grateful for a loving teacher who is encouraging Kate to follow her heart and her faith.  The biography we are reading (together) is WAY above her level of comprehension.  Heck, it is difficult for me and Dave in some parts. But she is really committed to learning as much she can about this incredible Christian man.

When I thanked Kate's teacher for being supportive she said she was not surprised at all that Kate chose a Saint.  She said, "Kate is so Catholic. I see it in her everyday the way she acts, they way she answers questions, the way she got so excited when we learned about Mother Theresa."  Her comment made my heart leap with joy because to me your faith is not something you simply believe but it is the way you act toward others.

One more little update on Katie Ru.  This girl is obsessed with crafting.  She makes these little boxes out of cardstock.  I wish I had photos of some of the more unique ones she has made.  In her spare time, she looks up knitting patterns and these box patterns and she crafts and crafts and crafts. She will literally spend an entire Saturday making stuff.  All she wants for her birthday is crafting supplies:) I love the coupons at Hobby Lobby and Michaels:)

Harry is finishing up 8th grade!  He has about a month left of middle school and then graduation.  YEAH!  So far, I think the middle school years are the toughest years of growing up. It is such a difficult time for kids and their parents. Sixth grade was incredibly difficult for Harry (and me) and you could not pay me all the money in the world to do middle school again right now (glad Kate has a few years!)  This year has been great though and I know he has mixed feeling about starting all over at a new school.  I think he is nervous yet excited.  Harry is finishing middle school with straight A's and straight E's for all three years!  And he has taken several advanced classes.  This year he has 10th grade geometry (in 8th grade) and high school Spanish and Journalism.  If he were going to public school, he would be entering with 5-6 high school credits already.

This week he finishes up his lacrosse season at his school too.  He has been a key player all three years. The lacrosse program had lapsed at his middle school and a Dad got it going again 3 years ago--  just as Harry entered middle school. Harry stepped in and started as a team captain and he has been a captain all 3 years.  He is hoping to play high school lacrosse too.  

Also, I am not sure if you noticed but Harry and a HUGE growth spurt (easter pics here).  Harry has always been below the 5th percentile in height and weight and he has had health issues too~ I mean his WHOLE life.  Some years he was not even on the charts.  At his check up a few weeks ago, he was in the 11t percentile for weight and the 13th percentile for height.  That is HUGE for him.  His pediatrician (the one who was there on the day he was born) was so happy.  And so were we.

For the last 3 years, Harry and I have volunteered in the school store every Wednesday morning at his middle school  It was an awesome experience. And it is something that just he and I shared.  I cannot put into words how much I am going to miss those Wednesday mornings with him (and the other Mom and son we have worked with for the last year and half).  I am going to get a photo of us together in the next week or two of us in the school store because I really want to always remember those times.

Of course, I don't have photos of the boys because truth be told, they are rarely around these days.  They're always off with friends (which I guess is good).

Okay, that is my long update about me and the peanuts.    I also want to share a discount code with y'all.  I got an email that it is friends and family weekend at Loft.

I have my eye on these...

shorts

And finally, don't forget about the Lilly Pulitzer launch tomorrow at Target!  Everything looks so cute!  You can actually heart or favorite things and then when the sales launches and midnight or 1 am you can check out faster.  Click below to see the whole collection and heart items.

I have my expectations set very low because I think it is all going to sell out quickly.  

How to get your kids to stop fighting.

Last week I was giving  talk to a group of women at a church and afterwards a woman came up to me and asked me if my kids fight.  I stopped and really thought about it and said, "No, not really."

I'd like to clarify immediately that yes, once in a while they bicker and sometimes the boys put one another down.  However, for the most part, my kids do not fight.  And honestly they never really did fight much. Sibling fighting in our house has been the exception rather than the norm.

The woman then asked me why I thought they did not fight.  I really thought about it for a minute.  First, I considered the age difference but I quickly realized that I have clients and friends who have big age gaps and their kids fight a lot.

I really think the reason my kids don't fight very often is that most of the time their emotional buckets are full.  Siblings fight primarily out of jealousy, boredom and lack of attention.  I firmly believe that if you connect emotionally and meaningfully with each of your children every day, the fighting will be insignificant in your home.  That meaningful connection will fill their need for both attention and jealousy.  You might see small and occasional bickering but the constant battles will disappear.

What exactly does that daily connection look like? Well it is different for each child depending on both the child and the age.  For Kate, it might simply be sitting at the table while she does her homework and asking about her day.  It might be watching the last few minutes of her violin lesson and talking to her about the new song she is learning.  It might be sitting on the couch snuggling and reading a chapter of Little House on the Prairie with her.  I connect with her in a way that she feels my undivided attention and interest.

For Harry, it might be hanging out in his room and asking him about the music on his phone or going out in the garage and looking at the new fishing lures he has painted. When Harry was younger, we would go out in the driveway and throw the baseball back and forth.  I was terrible and we would laugh at how uncoordinated I am but it was a great bonding experience for us.  Another way to connect  with teenage boys is over food.  I am not usually a fan of the drive thru or fast food in general, but if I drive through whataburger for my boys, they talk and we connect.  It's a win-win. Plus my skinny boys can use the extra calories.

With Will, I simply go in his room and hang out on his window seat while he is doing homework.  Usually, he will chat with me about his day, friends and classes.  But when he was little I would ask about his lego scenes and build something with him.  We also connected a lot though reading and books.

By taking just a little bit of time every day to make each child feel special and valued, we reduce the bickering around here. It was not really my intention to connect with them for the purpose of reducing the bickering.  I simply want to connect with my children on a daily basis.  But I will guarantee for every one reading this…that if you connect with each of your children in a meaningful and consistent way, giving them 100% of your undivided attention, you will not have a lot of bickering and fighting in your home.

I notice that when the boys do criticize one another it is almost ALWAYS after Dave or I just praised one of them or gave one of them extra attention.  I can literally see the ugly green monster of jealousy come out in whoever did not get the praise or attention.

My children are not perfect and Dave and I make mistakes in our parenting. There is no such thing as perfect parenting or perfect children.  But this is one thing I have noticed…. when my kids needs for attention are being met, our house is a lot more peaceful.  I have parents in my office who tell me they don't have time to connect with all of their kids every day.  I hear where they are coming from and I can empathize with them.  Life is busy.  If you are working outside the home and your children are in school and activities, you might only see them a few hours each day.  You might not be able to connect with each one every day but try to do it most days.

Also, sometimes it is really hard to connect with a child who is in a difficult phase of life. It can be a vicious cycle because often the kid who needs our attention the most is the one it is toughest to spend time with.  So, we spend less time connecting with that child and they act out more.  But just a few minutes of your undivided attention is the best investment you can make in your relationship with your child.  And just think about the time it takes to discipline and intervene in sibling arguments and power struggles. By doing this, you will actually have more time with your children and the time will be positive.

One of the things I recommend to my clients is to keep a small notebook on your bedside table and keep track of how you connect with each child each day.  It helps to keep you accountable and it helps you to track the patterns that make a difference with your children. Are there days when I don't connect with all (or any) of my children?  Yes, I am human and very flawed. But if I keep track of it, I am more likely to do it.

People ask me all the time if this is true for kids with special needs like ADHD, autism, sensory issues and the like.  I think kids with impulsivity will often have more challenges controlling their behavior which can sometimes escalate sibling fighting.  But in general ALL kids need these connections daily and they will all benefit from it.

Tell me what you think in the comments:)

Our kids cannot be measured in numbers

As a Mom, I have a daily battle going on in my heart and in my head. It is certainly a battle symptomatic of a privileged life.  I can admit that.  It is not one of worrying how much my kids will eat today or if they are safe.  It is not the worry of Moms who live in war zones or extreme poverty.

But once in a while, I fight the battle of seeing my kids as whole beautiful human creations of God versus seeing them as accomplishments, numbers and achievements.  I think this is something very prevalent in today's society and most parents I see personally and professionally struggle with it as well. While I am extremely embarrassed to admit that I agonize with this, I am at least working really hard to overcome it.

I will never forget my parent's reaction to my report card in 1st grade.  I was only five years old and had no notion of grades and honor rolls but my Mom and Dad made a huge fuss about me getting straight A's.  I remember them taking me out to lunch that day and afterwards, they let me pick out a cute new sailor skort. A few days later, I recall going to McDonald's and the employee stamped an M on my report card and gave me a free kid meal. Most of all, I remember the immense positive feedback and I internalized it deeply.  In all honesty, I was not good at much else aside from school.  I was always the last skinny kid picked for sports teams.  I did not play an instrument and I was not very artistic.  The first time I ever remember getting positive feedback from others was for my grades. And on that day, I began to define myself a little bit by those numbers.

Now, as a parent, I have to really watch myself to not transfer that to my own kids. These days it can be a huge struggle for me.  Unfortunately, numbers are very present in our lives right now.  Our oldest son, Will is looking at colleges.  In fact, just last week he and Dave went to visit UVA and William and Mary. He is preparing for and taking the ACT this fall.  His GPA is a constant topic of discussion as we look at schools that are a good match for him.  Harry, our middle son, is applying to private high schools this fall and is preparing for the HSPT (high school placement test).  Therefore, we are also paying a lot of attention to his GPA and first term grades as those are what the high schools will evaluate in addition to standardized test scores.

Kate is in her competition season for gymnastics.  She works really hard and has such passion for gymnastics. Every weekend, she earns scores on bars, floor, vault and beam. Those numbers are a snapshot of one moment in the meet and not representative of how hard she works all year or how well she does in the gym week after week. They also do not reflect how she cheers on her teammates and delights in their successes as much as her own. Yet the numbers are how she advances.  Sometimes her numbers are great and other times, they are not.

I constantly remind myself to see beyond all of these numbers and just focus on the whole person underneath all of the external measures of success.  But it is hard when the world looks so closely at the numbers.  I tell myself the boys will get into the schools that are a right fit for them.  I remind myself that Kate is only 8 years old and the gymnastics is just an extracurricular activity.  I convince myself that in the big picture of life these things are not that important.  They are happy, healthy, well-rounded kids and that is what matters. But the truth is GPA's and class ranks and test numbers will determine which schools my boys get into.  Numbers will determine if Kate gets to go to the regional or state meet that she desperately hopes to qualify for.  The outside world often looks more at the numbers and I understand the purpose they serve.  But as a parent, I have to make sure that the numbers don't define how I see my children or how I love them.

My kids are thoughtful, giving, God-loving, funny, creative, responsible, entrepreneurial, go getters.  They work hard and they are kind. They are certainly not perfect but they are exactly who I want my children to be.  They invite new kids to sit with them at lunch or play at recess.  They share a snack with someone who forgot to bring one.  They stick up for the kid who is being bullied and open the door for people everyday.  They say please and thank you. They treat others with respect.

This week Kate ran for class president.  She wrote a speech and got up and delivered it to her class.  She did not win but she wasn't even remotely sad about it.  She said, "Mama, I even voted for Dylan.  He really was the best person for the job."  My daughter did not vote for herself.  What 8 year old is that wise and selfless?  I was so proud of her maturity. That cannot be measured in numbers.  Colleges and high schools aren't going to see that stuff in my kids.  Kate's humble heart will not earn her a place at the regional meet or in college.

And that is what I keep reminding myself.  These numbers, these external accomplishments like honor roll or 1st place do not define our kids.  It is the journey.  It is the hard work, the determination, the effort and the heart that will make them good citizens of the world. A child who is reading 3 years above grade level will not necessarily become a fabulous and caring adult. Our kids are not the number on the scoreboard, the report card or a college entrance exam.  And we need to stop treating them as though they are.  We need to spend as much time congratulating our kids and talking to them about good choices, values and character qualities as we do about their accomplishments and successes.  Their character is what will get them through life not the trophies they get for just for showing up.

Yesterday, Kate had an amazing floor routine at the meet and she got her highest score ever.  I was really proud of her and guilty of sharing it on Facebook.  But what I should have shared and what I was most proud of was how when her teammate was called up to the podium, Kate hugged her and tried to hold her hand.  In the car, I told her how proud I was of that.  And she said, "Oh Mama there is nothing better than being up there with your teammate right next to you. That's the best!"

In this age of social media, we blast our children's accomplishments all over our facebook pages, blogs, instagram and twitter accounts.  I am guilty of it too.  The irony of my last post is not lost on me.  But why do we do it?  Just because our child scored the most goals does not mean that we are a good parent.  Are we measuring our parenting by the ruler of our children's accomplishments?  A friend recently confessed that she felt like a failure as a parent because her children did not excel in anything.  That really struck me.  One has nothing to do with the other.  Sure, I think we need to expose our children to various activities and we need to support and encourage them if they love something.  But their accomplishments are not a reflection of our success at parenting.

In my opinion, parents have one real job and that is to love our children unconditionally.  That means we love them when they win first place and when they come in last.  We love them when they are behaving the way we want them to and when they are not.  We love them when they are excelling in school and when they are struggling.  We love them whether they succeed or fail.  In fact, true unconditional love is deciding to love our children when it is especially hard to love them.

As parents we need to make sure our kids know that we are proud of who they are not what they accomplish.  We need to focus on what really matters instead of what the world or the media tell us matters. And I am working really hard to try to do that everyday.



I know it is not a good photo (I was far away) but I managed to capture part of when Kate put her arm around her teammate yesterday. You can see how happy she is for her friend and teammate. That was a winning moment.

back to school favorites

I can hardly believe it is August! Will starts school in about 2 weeks and Kate and Harry start in 3 weeks. Every year, around this time I start getting some e-mails asking me about the shoes Kate has worn to school for the last several years and her school clothes.

Kate has worn these shoes for as long as I can remember.  Over the years, I have bought them in black, brown (Thanksgiving one year) and red.  At first, they seem expensive.  And yes, they are pricey.  But they last the entire year and look brand new all year.  It's true. I've bought Target shoes for $17.99 for Kate and they are scuffed irreparably within the first two days . So instead, I'd rather invest in one (or two) pairs of these shoes and Kate wears them for play, PE, church, and everything.  I simply clean them with a damp paper towel once in a while.  They truly have been the BEST shoes I have ever bought.


The first time I bought these, I got them at Nordstrom.  But once I knew Kate's size and how they fit I ordered them on-line here.

(Pre-K 3 , montessori)

This is when Kate cut her own hair right before the first day of school!  If you missed that, you can read about it here.  It is funny now but it wasn't then!

(Ist Kindergarten)

The red ones are my absolute favorite and for the past 5 years, we have always had a red pair in the shoe drawer for Kate.  I will remember her childhood with these maryjanes.

(encore Kindergarten)

(1st grade)

This a slightly sportier style that we went with and she loved them too. The toe is more protected if your child is a toe scuffer and they look "older."  But they are just as comfy and durable as the others.

So, this year, Kate really wanted a pair of Sperry's. I guess that is more of what the 8 year olds wear. Her maryjanes still fit and are in good shape from last year so I thought we'd get some Sperry's.  I totally lucked out.  I found these at Nordstrom Rack for $16!  So, check your local Rack but you can also find them here.

Kate also loves Toms.  I scored a pair of pink leopard ones at Rack too.  They were a great deal but they are a tad big so we're saving them for when her foot grows.  In the meantime, she wants these...

A dear friend gave us a pair as hand me downs and Kate has worn them out.   They are her current "go to" shoe running out the door most days. You can find them here in 3 colors.  I guess Kate is all about sparkle this year!

Fo Kate's unifrom, I get lots of different things from different places and they often last 2 years.  She basically has to wear navy or khaki on bottom and white, navy or red on top. I often buy these skorts.  They are soft and comfy, look cute and are very reasonably priced. We love the built in short.




  I think they are $12 on sale right now with an additional 20% off with code (CHOOSE20).

Kate also wears these shorts (major sale) on hot days to school.




For shirts, I buy a few short sleeve tees, a few long sleeve and I have about half of them monogrammed.  I have bought polo style shirts in the past but she was always reaching for the monogrammed t-shirts.  I stock up when I see them in navy or white in her size and the monogram makes them look a lot cuter.


I used to buy Kate the Matilda Jane ruffle pants in navy for school. And she does like them a lot.  But when it is cold here, these are BY FAR her favorite.  They have a little flare so they look cute.  But they are warm (for our winters) and so so soft and comfy and they wash beautifully.  The ones from last year still look brand new (they are just too short).  They are on sale now too. I am going to stock up on a few today.  They run very true to size.


Backpacks...Kate has used this back pack for 3 years.  It was still in great condition.  That is until she left a banana in there for a few weeks at the end of the school year!  I was cleaning out her backpack on the last day of school and felt something liquidy and slimy.  We have no clue how long it was in there but it was time to toss this backpack. I think we got our $$ worth out of it for 2 years of kinder and one year of 1st grade.  It was the small size and I think in 2nd grade she needed the bigger size anyway!



So, we got the lunchbox...



the bento boxes



These are great because Kate is not a big sandwich person.  She is more likely to eat healthier foods like veggies and fruits in this bento box.  Also, she loves to pack her own "snack lunch" in this box.  It is BPA free and dishwasher safe too.

And we got the backpack...




Needed to get Scout in there too.  She was freshly bathed and hasn't been on the blog much!




Every year, I scour the Ralph Lauren site for their big sales for back to school pants for Will.  I can usually get his pants for $19 (regularly over $50!) if I time it right.  His RL pants from freshmen year lasted 2 years. He got a lot taller this year so he needed all new pants.  I got incredible deals by shopping in June for these online.



Looks like a colorful year for him this year!  I love his preppy style.

I also found some awesome deals at TJ Maxx.    I love a bargain.  Really, I do.
I found some vineyard vines belts and some other great school shirts.



Mint Julep cup belt from the Derby Days collection.



Vineyard Vine flag belt.







I text Will the photos and he tells me which he likes/dislikes. That's how I virtual shop with him.  Sometimes we shop together but more often we text shop.  His dress code is long pants (any color khaki style) and a collared shirt.


P.S.  Harry wears khaki shorts and a school T-shirt.  Not too exciting.  I will share that these khaki shorts have lasted through 3 years of Will's middle school and 3 years of Harry (yes, the same ones!).  They are super durable. I have not had to buy a new pair in 6 years!


Anyway,  Just wanted to share some of my back to school bargains and favorites with you.   Let me know some of your favorites in the comments.  I'd love to hear them.

This post does contain some affiliate links.  You can read my affiliate disclosure policy here.

will is 17!

Will turned 17 exactly 2 weeks ago.  I feel bad about not doing a birthday post earlier but I didn't for 2 reasons.  One is we barely saw him on his birthday and the other is that I think I am a bit in denial that I really have a 17 year old. (I've also been super busy working on some projects)

Will's birthday was the day after we got back from our family vacation.  Being a normal 17 year old, he wanted to hang out with his friends because he had hung out a whole week with us!  So, we went to church together and got his favorite kolaches but then he hung out with friends.  I have to admit, I was a bit sad/sour about that.  I totally get it but I wanted to do a family dinner or something.  Anyway, when Will got home that night he was kind of bummed.  He said that although he had fun with this friends, he wished he had spent the time with us.  He said he realizes he only has another 2 years at home and he wasted a birthday.  I told him it was not wasted and we'd have a family dinner that week (which we did the night before they left for camp).  It is hard to have family dinner (the whole family) in the summer because of Kate's gymnastics training and Will's work.

(this photo was Kate's idea:)

Will is such a neat kid.  He is spiritual and respectful.  He is very intelligent but has to work pretty hard at his current school.  Organization does not come naturally to him but he has worked so hard to be organized in high school (color coded calendar, study schedules and folders).  I am really proud of that. Not only does Will work all year as a lifeguard but he is also really involved at school. He is on swim team and water polo (was a captain on JV this year).  He is in the National Honor Society and several other clubs too.  He is also a freshmen retreat leader and part of a select core who actually plan the retreat.  Being a freshmen retreat leader at his school is a huge commitment and honor.  You have to apply and it is mostly seniors who are leaders. Will was selected as a junior. He has worked all year this year on it (the retreat happens in November) and has a weekend retreat next month for the leaders.

Will is also goofy and funny.  He is always asking how my day was.  He is confident (sometimes too much) and outgoing.  One of my favorite things about Will is that he really doesn't let things get to him.  He lets things roll off his back.  I could get really, really mad at him and yell and a few minutes later he says sorry and it is done.  He also does not let other people's criticism or insults bother him.  He shrugs it all off.  And because of all that he is usually in a good mood and is pretty even tempered.

He is an amazing volunteer.  His school has required volunteer hours and so does NHS.  But Will goes far above and beyond any required volunteer hours (even if he doesn't record them all!). He just likes volunteering and he is good at it too.  I always get tremendous feedback from the adults where he volunteers.  In fact, this summer he was supposed to work during our parish VBS.  Will switched his shifts so that he could volunteer instead.  I got the most amazing e-mail from a woman who was working at VBS complimenting both Will and Harry's leadership skills and telling me how kind and helpful and mature they both were.  Another Mom told me how much they stood out in a sea of uninspired teen volunteers because they were enthusiastic and really got the job done.  What Mom does not love to hear that stuff about her children?!

I always say that my kids are not perfect.  And Will is no exception.  But so far, he has made the teen years easy for us.  He is honest and respectful.  He is a rule follower and has a good moral compass.  I expect he'll make some mistakes but so far, he has been a joy to parent.

A few months ago, I was cleaning out a desk and I found this letter.  I wrote it to Will when he was just 22 months old.  I had not remembered writing it so it was such a gift to find. I read it to Will and he loved hearing it (and asked me to read it again).  This letter was not a birthday letter or anything special.  It was just me writing about Will when he was 22 months old.   I wrote about how he loved doughnut holes and the zoo.  I wrote about his favorite shows and books and things to play. What is interesting though is how accurate it is.  I wrote "You love water (although you call it "agua").  You run to hoses, sprinklers, puddles and water fountains.  I won't be surprised a bit if you are a great swimmer." And here 15 years later he is a swimmer!  there were so many other great things in the letter.  I encourage all of you Moms to take a few moments no matter how old your kids are and write them a letter like this.  Mine was on plain white lined paper.  It was not fancy at all. and it was just two pages long. It had mistakes but it was so full of love! I simply wrote about who Will was and what he meant to me. I know that he will cherish it forever and he will be able to look back on it when he has kids and see what he was like as a toddler.

So, my Will is growing up.  And I am so proud of who is is growing up to be.  I love you, Will!

And just to show you how much he's changed, this is the first photo ever of Will on this blog (almost 8 years ago).

We've all aged a bit!

P.S.  About the clothes.  I will probably not be listing them until the last week of July or beginning of August.  Some things have come up around our house that required my immediate attention so I have not had time to get all the photographs done and the listings done. It is super time consuming. And we have some out of town guests coming to visit so I had to put the clothes away for a few weeks.  I apologize for the delay but will get back to it in a few weeks.