trust

I am so late to the game on posting this one but bear with me....I think it is a good one.  Last year, I chose a word (or words actually) to guide me through 2012.  My words then were to look up (to God) and pare down (which I did in many ways).

This year is really a biggie for me though.  God put this one on my heart.  I have struggled with trust for most of my life I guess.  I have a father who left our family and despite my efforts, has no relationship with us.  When your earthly father lets you down like that early in life, it can be hard to trust your heavenly Father completely.  I have had faith in God my whole life but I am not sure I have 100% trusted God my whole life.  I know I have trusted in Him with a lot of things.  But I am not sure I have completely resigned ALL of my trust to HIM.  Somehow, I had the need to try to control whatever I thought I could (sound perfectionistic at all?)

Like many of you, friends have betrayed my trust and so have others and thus I really struggle with this.  In the past few years, I have shielded myself from hurt. I sometimes keep people at a "safe distance." I have culled down my very close friends to people I have known forever and I feel like I can really trust.  I don't take risks.  I am not adventuresome. 

I think my fear of flying even stems from this!!  

God used someone to whisper some messages to me last Fall about my trust issues and fears.  This friend made me realize that God gave me gifts and perfectionism is NOT one of them.  He gave me a spirit of excellence but not one of fear or perfectionism.   As I really reflected on what she told me and prayed and meditated on God's word, I realized that God was just beginning to reveal what I needed to work on.

So my word for 2013 is TRUST.

{I think I need this from Etsy to hang above my desk}

I am going to trust that God will guide the path and provide as I expand my business (and trust that the rent money will come too each month for my new office!)

I am going to trust that God will heal Harry.

I am going to trust life more and circumstances in general. Fear creeps into my thoughts from time to time (especially in cars on freeways since my accidents) but I am trusting that God has it ALL under control.

When you are not really trusting, you don't have as much spontaneous FUN in life either.

I want to laugh more and be silly more.  I want to dance around my kitchen more and kiss my husband "just because" more.  I want to trust enough that I am not always living by a plan or a goal or a rule.  I want to fly by the seat of my pants once in a while (I never do that!)

I am going to work on trusting others more and letting them closer.  It takes some energy to keep people at safe distances to avoid more hurt.

I am trusting y'all as I share my heart with you here:)  It wasn't vey easy to do.

I think this might be the hardest thing I do in life but I TRUST that God is going to help me do it this year!  Have you chosen a word or made some goals for 2012?  Please share.

Also, please continue to pray without ceasing for Ivy Joy.  She was being transported by air ambulance this afternoon back to Boston.  You can check their blog for updates.

Hello

Just checking in for a quick hello. I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas with loved ones. Santa DID bring me a fabulous new iMac and I LOVE it but I have been spending time doing other things...like SEWING (yup someone got a sewing machine for Christmas), hanging out with my family, eating, drinking hot chocolate, shopping with friends, watching movies (loved the odd life of Timothy Green), sleeping in and taking down all the decorations!  I love this lazy week between Christmas and the New Year.

Also, I took the leap!  I leased an office for a year for my business.  That was so scary for me.  I am not a risk taker at all.  Now I am running around trying to furnish it and get all set up to start seeing clients. Once I get it set up, I will post pictures.  It is a really cute space and it is literally 3 blocks from my house.  I am both excited and nervous to see what God has planned for this new chapter in my life.

We had a GREAT Christmas and Christmas Eve and I will post about it very soon. By the time I get to it, y'all will probably be in no mood for Christmas photos but I need to go paint a desk and table for my office now.  So, it will have to wait.  Here is one shot of our family just before Mass on Christmas Eve...

All my best wishes for a Happy and Healthy and blessed New Year!!!

Some good news and some bad news

Okay the good news first, Harry's genetic tests for both NF1 and Spred 1 were both normal.  That sounds like GREAT news, right?  Well, it is and it isn't.  I got the results almost 2 weeks ago but just got the opportunity to speak with the genetic clinic yesterday to get more information.  So here is the situation... Harry meets one of the clinical criteria clearly and is extremely close to meeting the second (he has 5 Cafe au lait spots and the criteria is 6).  They strongly believe he has a version of this disease called "segmental NF."  This is a form of NF1 where not all of the cells have the mutation therefore, genetic testing often does not catch the mutation.  Typically, people with segmental NF have milder cases and live rather normal lives but not always.  They can suffer from all the complications that people with full blown NF1 suffer from, it is just harder to get a definitive diagnoses.  At this point, Harry is doing very well.  Hopefully, we will not need to think about NF1 again until he decides to start a family since it is a genetic disease and he could pass the full blown illness onto children.  We would appreciate your continued prayer that Harry does NOT develop any more NF1 symptoms.  He took the news pretty hard even though I tried to explain to him that really this was GREAT news (at least it is not full blown NF1).

I am SO grateful that God had such a BIG plan for our family.  It is no accident that Harry has an adopted sister.  Harry and his future wife will have some decisions to make someday about how to grow their own family and I have no doubt that having spent his life adoring and loving his little sister will factor into that and keep his heart open to adoption.

Okay, now onto my heart thing.  Thank you for all the kind comments and thoughts. They meant SO much to me.  I love this blogging community. One thing the doctor assured me of is that this condition is NOT anxiety or stress related.  See, I have extremely low blood pressure and when I stand it is not getting to my head and my heart accelerates. So I constantly feel like I am going to pass out. That is an autonomic body response and it is not happening in m body. There is an illness called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.  I am fitting the description for that.  It is not caused my stress or anxiety at all.  In fact, I have not felt stressed in the last few weeks.  I had total peace about Harry's illness and I will tell you why in a minute.  I have an appointment with a cardiologist in a few weeks to try to get a real diagnoses.  In the meantime, I am trying to sit as much as I can and elevate my legs (which is very hard when you are a Mom to 3 very busy kids), cut out caffeine (I did not drink much anyway), drink a ton of water (which I do anyway) and other things the doc has recommended.  So, what has helped me with stress in the last few weeks/months???  It is a scripture verse...

Matthew 6:  25-27 tells us:

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

I had read this passage many times before but when I was worried about Harry's illness a few months ago, it really spoke to me.  I was particularly changed by the last question.. Can anyone add a single hour to their life by worrying?  NO.  Something huge shifted in me and I gave all my worries to God and I have felt great ever since.  If I catch myself worrying, I simply ask, "is this worrying adding one hour to my life?"

I recently attended a Bible study and the theme was that God is the event planner of our life.  He has a design for each day of our life.  It is our job to show up in obedience and use the gifts He has given us praising Him all the while.  It is such a relief to think that He is planning it all out for us.

Seek first

I wanted to show you what Kate does during Mass sometimes....  Usually, she goes to her little Sunday school class but if they don't have class, she comes to Mass with us.  And she has always been very well behaved in Church.  I bring a composition book and a pencil and she draws and tries to sing all the songs.  Often, I think she is not really paying attention to the readings or the homily but this week I was reminded that she does in fact listen.  I glanced at her drawings this week and this is what I saw.....

I asked Kate who the little boy in her pictures was and I fully expected her to say "Habu" as he is one of her favorite subjects but instead she said, "Samuel."  I repeated, "Samuel?"  And she said, "yeah the boy they are talking about today in the book."

Here she drew him as if to be saying, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."

Sunday's readings and homily were about how God does call each and everyone of us.  EVERY single one of us is called by God to greatness.  That makes us all so special.  But do we hear the call?  Do we listen?  Do we ignore it?

I know that I sometimes hear whispers but fail to act out of plain fear.  In fact, there is something God has been nudging me to do for a very long time now but I keep stalling because I am afraid of failing.  My heart is racing right now just thinking about it.

One of the things our minister said this week was the way to hear God's call is to seek FIRST the kingdom of God.  That really struck me.  I thought about our life.  Do we seek God's kingdom first in our daily life?  Do I reach for the Bible first when I have time to read or the captivating and engrossing Steve Jobs biography I am devouring?  Do I go to Bible study or surf the net?  Do I stop to help a stranger in need or rush off to my next important "thing to do"?  Am I living my life seeking the kingdom of God first.  Probably not as much as I could.

The summer camp my kids attend has a motto First is Third (FIT).  They teach the kids that if you put God first, others second and yourself third....you will always come out ahead.  I LOVE that principle and my kids embrace it too.   Our family needs to put into daily practice.

I am trying to remind myself each morning 

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

I need y'all.

 I am very reluctant to post this but I know that prayers are what we need right now. I am struggling between wanting to protect our privacy and desperately wanting as many prayers as we can get.  Our sweet little Harry has several characteristics of a very scary and extremely difficult and somewhat rare neurological disease.  It is one that cannot be ruled out easily and unfortunately he meets some of the criteria.  He is a having an MRI of his brain on Friday and I am an absolute wreck.  I keep reminding myself of the following Scriptures and I am praying them over and over.  But I really covet a bunch of prayers as well.  I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I would ask you to pray that the MRI is clean and that Harry does not develop any more signs of this illness.  Please pray for our peace of mind as well because I feel like I am losing my mind right now.

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts ad minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6




P.S. Tomorrow is Will's 14th Birthday and somehow I have to clear my head and focus on celebrating him and all he is to us:)

Lenten Sacrifice

Lent begins tomorrow with Ash Wednesday and you know we Catholics take Lent very seriously.  We abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday and all Fridays during Lent.  We are also encouraged to make a Lenten sacrifice.  It can be something that brings us closer to God and His will such as reading scripture everyday, praying the rosary, attending daily Mass etc.  Or it can be giving up something that currently keeps you from God or will remind you of the great sacrifice Jesus made for us. Last year, I gave up shopping.  This scripture in particular made me realize how material things can keep us from getting closer to God.

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:15-17

Giving up shopping was very powerful for me.  I realized how much time and energy is spent buying things and putting things away and exchanging things.  I also realized how much mental energy we spend thinking about "things."  When we are doing that we are not doing God's work.

The previous year I gave up blogging.  That was hard too and I learned a lot as well. Again, it made me realize how much time I waste on the computer.

As a child, I sucked my thumb when I slept.  And I sucked my thumb for a long, long time.  Just to tell you how long...I gave it up for Lent one year !!!  That is how I quit!  I do not recall the exact grade or age but I was old enough to give it up for Lent.  I do remember that!  

Someone asked me recently if I make it through my sacrifice each year.  Yes, I usually do.  As hard as some things have been, God will know if I cheat.  If I cheat on a New Years resolution who am I accountable to?  Myself.  If I cheat on a Lenten sacrifice, I am letting God down.  So, I choose carefully.

This year I have been tossing around a few ideas.  I thought of doing the 40 bags in 40 days challenge.  You fill bags with clutter to rid from your home each day.  I could do that!  I thought of giving up shopping again because it was truly transformative for me.  But I have really felt God nudging me a different way.  Not really a way I want to go but a way I need to go.

I never exercise.  I loathe exercise. I really hate to sweat. Yes, I eat pretty healthy but I am not taking care of my body through exercise.  It has come up in my life a lot recently and I feel that this is what I should do for Lent.  It will certainly be a sacrifice for me because I do not enjoy it (at ALL) and it will take time away from things I DO enjoy.  I know I will feel physical pain because I am so out of shape.  I will try to use that physical pain to remind me of the suffering Jesus endured.  I will also pray as I exercise (I am going to need to).  So, there it is.  I am going to begin an exercise regimen.  I know it is God's will that we take care of the bodies He has given us and I am not doing that so well.  My goal is to exercise 3-4 days a week and I will keep a log of it. This might be even harder that the no shopping thing for me because I REALLY hate exercise.   

I am also going to commit to reading a chapter of scripture each day. 

And I made this sacrifice jar for our family.

 I typed up lots of little things that we can easily do each day such as:

help out Mom or Dad today, say something nice to your sister, read about a saint today, pray for the homeless today, be a friend to someone who seems lonely today, read your Bible for 15 minutes,  play a game with your sister, be kind to your brother, clean out your closet, clear the dinner table tonight without being asked,  tell your teacher how much you appreciate them today, write down three blessings God has given you, no "sweets" today, compliment someone at school or work today who usually irritates you, no TV today, pray a decade of the rosary today, avoid video games, appreciate something God gave you in in nature today, pray for your grandparents today, smile at people more today  etc.....

So each day, the kids (and maybe us grown-ups too) will choose a paper from the jar and that will be their Lenten sacrifice for that day.  I have not run it past the kids yet and I am not sure how well it will go over but I think it is a GREAT idea.  I think I will keep it on the breakfast table and encourage them to take a slip of paper each day.  I will not hold them accountable though.  They can be responsible for whether they do it or not.  I will obviously have to help Kate though.

It was not my idea.  My friend, Kelley shared it with our Moms group.

One more thing...you do not have to be Catholic to use Lent as a time to come closer to God. I'd love to hear what you do for Lent or any ideas you have for the jar...I need more:)

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8

via

Fresh Start

January has been a slumpy month.  I have not eaten well.  I have not accomplished a whole lot. I did not really make resolutions or goals for the new year. I have not gotten off to the best start. I even gave up on my 365 project on day 15 (just not enough time).

So, it is time for a fresh start.  This week, I am going to do what I usually do each year and spend some time making goals.  I am going to go room by room over the next several weeks and purge and organize.  I might even photograph each room as I go along.  Also, we ARE going to have that garage sale this Spring and finally clean out that garage I confessed about months ago.  I am going to get back on the wagon juicing. And I am going to make a list of the home projects I would like to complete (budget pending).  I need to get organized and get going.  I might even pick a verse and a word for the year like I have seen others do.  So, I might be a bit absent in the bloggy world this week. And I might not return e-mails  quickly this week (ah let's face it, I never return e-mails quickly)  But be patient, I'll be back better than ever.

My friend, Paige posted a verse that really got me thinking about how I spend each moment.

Ephesians 5:15-16

 Be very careful, then, how you live

not as unwise but as wise, 

making the most of every opportunity, 

because the days are evil. 

On being humble

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

James 4:6

Last year as I was reading the Bible, I was really struck by how much the Lord wants us to be humble.  I read quote after quote about how God wants us to humble ourselves.  I must admit that this theme struck me more personally than any other as I read.  I kept thinking about what it means to be humble.  I realized (with some sadness and embarrassment) that I was not very humble. I talked to a few friends about it.  I am an educated woman with a broad vocabulary but I found myself looking up definitions of humble and humility. I wasn't even sure I knew what being truly humble meant. To be humble means "to have a low or modest value of one's own importance."  I wondered, "Do I really want to be humble?"  I have pretty good self-esteem and isn't that a good thing?  Being educated as a counselor, I was taught that having a sense of value of oneself is positive.

You see, I think our society today teaches us to be anything BUT humble.  I think the word humble often has a negative connotation yet it is exactly how the Lord wants us to be.  I grew up going to church every Sunday and going to religious school but I also grew up hearing messages like "You can do anything you want to do in life" and "Believe in yourself and you will succeed."  Unfortunately, as a child, I never heard, "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

I constantly see parents encourage their kids to be the very best at everything, to "fake it until you make it", to win at all costs.  As parents, we  often "over praise" our children for every little thing they do. We get them involved in music or sports at ridiculously young ages. We do it because we love them.  We do it because somewhere along the way we have learned (and we believe) that praise and success is vital for their self esteem. So we praise them for going to the bathroom and we praise them for scribbling a picture.  As a result, people begin to believe that they are very important. Perhaps, too important.

People become "celebrities" by being on reality TV shows.  They become "important" because they have a bunch of multiples or they won a contest. Sadly, I think we have become a society that has no idea how to be humble and we certainly don't teach our children humility.  Instead, people drive around with bumper stickers boasting their honor roll kids.  I am guilty too. I do not have one of those bumper stickers but I have broadcast the accomplishments of my children on this very blog. In my everyday life, I beam with pride as they succeed.  However, I have also spent the last few months wondering how to be more humble.  I have wondered how to teach my children humility alongside confidence and a strong work ethic.  I have really pondered what exactly it means to be humble.

Today at Mass, our pastor answered this question for me.  Have you ever sat through a sermon and felt like the pastor was speaking directly to you? Well, that is how I felt today.  The priest never even mentioned being humble but he did say the the most important thing we will ever do or ever be is a child of God.  It dawned on me that THAT is being humble. Realizing that any accomplishment we make here on earth pales in comparison to being loved by God is the beginning of being humble.  No matter how important your job is or how much money you have or if you find a cure for cancer or raise amazing kids or have the most beautifully decorated home...NONE of that matters more than being loved by God. And He loves all of us.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should not only look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

Bible tips

I have been so excited to hear from many of you who plan to read the Bible this year!  I am not by any stretch of the imagination an "expert" at reading the Bible at all.  In fact, I am a novice BUT so many people have told me that they are going to try the reading plan I did last year...that I thought I would share a few tips for what got me through...

1. Choose a good time everyday the same time of day.  I think this is really vital.  It does not matter what time of the day.  However, for it to become a habit there needs to be consistency/habit/routine.  For me, the best time of day was right before bed.  Every night when I climbed into bed and saw the Bible on my nightstand, I felt like I should be obedient and read.  Some nights, I read out of guilt (honestly) but after a while that was no longer the case.  I began to really look forward to reading.

2. The plan gives you 5 days off a month.  Use them.  There were nights when I was exhausted and I just went to sleep. The breaks were good for me because I did not burn out. Sometimes, if I knew I would not read (if we had a date or social event or were going to be out of town)...I read ahead a day or two.  I also brought my Bible to Mass with me every Sunday and used the 10-15 minutes before Mass to catch up/get ahead.

3. Don't let yourself get too far behind.  If you get sick or fall behind, do two days of readings for a few days to catch up.  I struggled with a few OT books and I would get ahead in the NT.  I just made myself catch up before the next month began.

4. Tell other people you are doing this and ask them to help keep you accountable or pray for you.  Posting about it on my blog helped to make me finish it.  I have to be honest that this begins as an exercise in obedience and discipline and then it becomes so much more.  Being accountable helps with the obedience part.

Finally, I would love to pray for you if you are starting the program.  And I will pray for you throughout the year too.  So leave me a little comment if you are doing it.   The peanuts go back to school tomorrow and I will return to more regular posting.  

Women of Light

No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in may see the light.


Luke 11:33

Sometimes there are people who make a profound difference in your life through their example or small gestures of kindness. And they may not even know it.  I have been blessed with many women who inspire me in real life.  But there are two women who have inspired my spiritual growth more than anything in my whole life.

About 4-5 years ago, I prayed for more Godly friends.  I was new-ish to a town and I felt like I was missing friends that had similar values.  God brought a few women into my life who have touched me in incredible ways.  I want to tell you about three of them here.

I was asked to give a talk at our local MOPS group in VA about 4 years ago.  The night before my talk (which was supposed to be about maintaining marriage), the president called to inform me that one of the Moms in the group had just lost her son in a tragic drowning.  She asked if I would briefly address that in my talk.  I did not know Lauren, the woman who had just buried her son, but I felt a profound sense of compassion and grief for her.  Lauren was very pregnant with her second child when her son drowned. I prayed for her and her family and I could not stop thinking of them.

I met Lauren a few months later as she was my table leader at MOPS.  We became friends easily.  When I asked Lauren one day how she coped in the days after Robbie's death she simply told me that she immediately turned to the Bible.  She told me she craved God's word and that she could not get enough.  I was stunned.  I had read the Bible.  I was a Christian but I had never "craved" the word. I did not feel hungry for it like Lauren described. I was in awe that she just leaned into God and He was there.

On my 40th birthday, I went to support Lauren as she gave a talk at her church. But I got so much in return as did every person in that room. She shared her incredible story of faith.  She told us how the Lord pulled her family through a horrendous tragedy...one I could not even imagine.  I knew that night that I needed to "get in the word" like Lauren was but I will be honest, I still did not know where to begin. 

So, I kept my Bible on my nightstand and I read it now and then.  I did devotionals and Bible studies but I still did not feel drawn to reading the Bible on a daily basis.

At this time, I also became great friends with Diana.  Last May (2009), Diana came to visit me in our new house in Texas.  She brought me a Bible (Quest Study Bible).   I remember thinking...hmmmm...  I have a Bible.  Several, in fact.  Does she think I need one? Does she not believe I am really a Christian? I tired to act really excited but in reality I wasn't.  I was a bit confused.  I tried to understand the meaning behind the gift.

I put the Bible on my bedside table and there it sat for a few months.  I would pick it up and skim it some evenings.  I started reading Psalms.

Then this January I posted about my New Year resolotions and Laurie emailed me telling about a program to read the entire Bible in a year.   So, I picked up Diana's Bible and I started reading.  I checked off the readings each night. Some chapters were easy and some books have been really tough to get through. But I am 75% through reading the Bible and I can say that I am "in the word."  I read the Bible daily and on Christmas Eve I will have read every word of the Bible!!!!  This is all in thanks to these 3 women!!  I can honestly say that Lauren's strength and unwavering faith, Diana's gift and example of Christianity and Laurie's suggestion for the reading program all connected to change me.  I now LOVE that Bible Di gave me.  I bring it with me everywhere.  Its pages are tabbed and bent and underlined and written in.  I love that it is a study Bible so there are explanations in the margins.

These women changed my life.  My faith and trust in God have grown tremendously.  I look at things differently.  I get SO much more out of Mass each week.  I feel filled.

None of these women "pushed" anything on me.  They were simply a light in my life, a role model and I have no doubt that God placed them there for that reason.  I asked for these friends and He delivered them into my life.  So, thank you Lauren, Diana and Laurie.   By your example and simple acts of kindness you have made me a better person.

If you are interested in the Bible Reading plan, you can find it here.  If I can do it, anybody can.

Is there someone who is a woman of light for you?  Someone who has inspired you simply by being who they are?

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

Psalm 119:105

Re-entry {Sunday Snapshot}

Re-entry is hard!

After a week or two here....

playing your favorite games and doing your favorite activities with friends and counselors.....

(Dad even played along~and caught some air!)

and dancing and singing and praising....

and staying up late, raiding cabins, having devotionals, parties and FUN...

It is hard to come home.

Both boys had a GREAT time at camp. Will was very, very sad to leave. He really grew a lot over the last two weeks. His relationship with Jesus deepened in ways I could have only dreamed of.

Neither of the boys got a lot of sleep and they are exhausted. I am proud of both Will and Harry as they received some distinct honors at camp. They had a lot of fun and right now I am attacking the smelliest, dirtiest four loads of camp laundry!

I LOVE their camp and only wish that I could go there.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12

My BIG summer regret

You might remember this post claiming my dislike for summer. Well, I feel bad. You see, I realized that I have been a poor sport all summer. Instead of diving in and riding the wave of summertime, I held my nose, ducked underwater and waited for it to wash over me. We live in a great place but the summer is not our best weather. Also, I prefer routine and order. Chaos is not my friend (which is why I only have 3 kids). I have no idea how this amazing woman and this good friend manage it all with so many children and they have a lot of fun while doing it too!

Anyway, my regret is that I hid from summer rather than embrace it and it is almost over. It was while reading this post and this post and this one that I realized I have had a really bad attitude. Darby totally embraced summer with her 3 young children and it looks like they have had a lot of fun. I think I have 3 more weeks with the kiddos (more with Kate) before school starts. I am really going to try to relax and enjoy it. I am going to try to be more spontaneous and less worried. I am going to try to do more fun things with the kids and just laugh and enjoy our time together. I really have not done that a lot. We have done some fun things but we have also had a surgery, a car accident and some summer illness and my poor attitude that has kept us from having our best summer. So, I am going to try to salvage what is left...

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

And for your listening pleasure..this is what Kate was doing while I slapped this post together. Dave taught her that lil ditty...

My voice is froggy due to my sinus infection..it is not my normal voice.

This one is about God.

It is also going to be long (I can tell).  Almost every single thing has gone wrong since we moved here.  Many of them I have not even shared on the blog.  But every single day I wake up and tell myself that it will get better. I began to wonder though and some of my friends even asked if maybe God was trying to tell us something. Maybe God was telling us to go back to Virginia. I think they said it tongue in cheek but I could tell they meant it a little too.
Dave and I have asked ourselves if maybe God was trying to tell us we had made a mistake moving here.  We began to plan out ways that Dave could commute and we could move back to Virginia.  Then I would say, "That is silly.  Bad things happen.  Hurricanes happen.  Moves are hard.  We'll adjust."
I have had a few serious conversations with my close friends asking them, "Do you think God really cares if we are in Virginia or Texas?"  "Do you think He would make all of these things happen to tell us we made a mistake?"  "Is He really in every detail of our lives?"
So, one of my friends advised me to really pray very hard and ask God to show me clearly what He wanted.  I told her I was afraid of the answer (and I was).  But last night I prayed and I begged God to let me know if that was why all of these bad things kept happening to us.  I asked him to knock me over the head with it because between the muscle relaxers and my illness, I am not really picking up on subtleties.
This morning we went to 11 am Mass which we have never done here but I felt compelled to do this week.  The priest was one I had never seen before and his sermon was aimed right for me. He answered the very questions that have been haunting me.  He spoke of a tragic event that happened this week to a family where the Dad was killed.  Then he went on to say that God did not make tragic things happen.  He said, so often we live life on '"cruise control" when things are going smoothly.  We don't make time for God.  He doesn't make bad things happen but in these chaotic times the most important thing is to rely on God.  I wish I could type it as eloquently as he said it today.  I will admit with everything that has been going on here, I have not made the time to turn to God as much as I usually do.  I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I have let a lot of things slide. This sermon made me realize God is not making the bad things happen but He does expect me to rely on Him to pull me through.
I tend to spend more time in prayer and thanksgiving when my life is going smoothly.  Maybe, I need to learn to make the time when things aren't going smoothly too.
Ironically one of the scripture readings today was my favorite verse too:
"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts ad minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
Our current situation also reminds me of all of the things that went wrong in our adoption process. Very few people know the millions of roadblocks we faced. I have shared some of them here and I hope to share others some day.  One was very serious.  I asked a few of these same friends if maybe God was telling us that we should not be adopting.  Maybe He thought that 2 kids was enough for us.  Maybe He thought other people who did not have kids should get the child we were trying to adopt.  One friend sagely told me that God does not lead us down a path he doesn't want us to travel.  Another suggested that perhaps God just wanted me to realize how badly I wanted Kate.
The bottom line is that I think tough times strengthen our faith and I KNOW that God wanted Kate in our family.   
I feel a little silly posting all of this but I also feel as though I need to do it.  Growing up Catholic, I am not used to talking about this stuff publicly.
Now for the mundane.  While I was going up for communion I walked into the side of a pew and really hurt my knee.  I could not walk.  I hobbled out of church and have a very swollen knee. I hobbled home to wait 5 hours for the cable/internet people to show up (C@omc*st).  They NEVER showed.  We called twice to check and we were told they were running late.  Then we were told that they came to our corporate apt building but could not get in the security gate. Our apartment phones are dead too but they were supposed to call our cell phones!  They cancelled our appointment.  New appointments are being scheduled for 2 weeks from now.  I am NOT happy! I despise C@mc*st right now.  I am missing my favorite shows again...not to mention that I missed the debates!  How can I be a responsible voter now?!
I have a few light hearted funny stories about the peanuts to post if I get a chance this week.  I do love Panera!