The beautiful blissful "in-between"

Thank you for all of the wonderful insights from the last post. As you can tell, I was hesitant to share our new found perspective but I think there was a healthy exchange of ideas which makes us all better parents in the end. I do want to say just a little bit more about this all though.

First of all, I (personally) would LOVE to celebrate these milestones in our family. I am all about a celebration and making a big deal over joyous occasions. I am just not sure if it is the healthiest option for Kate or for the boys. If she were in a family of only adopted children or an only child, I might feel differently. Over the years, people have said things to me such as the longer you are a family the less important it becomes how you got that way. And I have to agree. I know it will always be an important part of Kate's history. But there is so much more to her and to our family than adoption. When I look at Kate, I see my daughter. I often forget that she is Chinese. I know some of you probably find that hard to believe but it is true. And in the end, she is God's daughter first and foremost. I just get to enjoy her here for a while.

Secondly, I loved Casey's perspective that you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't celebrate." I totally agree. I worried that Kate might come to me one day and say, "Why don't we celebrate the day I came home anymore?" There is a fine line here. So, I have given that a lot of thought. And this is what I have come to (sorry it is so long but I really contemplate these things)...

Right now we are in what I call the blissful in between. Finally, Kate is over all of the attachment bumps that come the first few years of adoption. She is completely adjusted and feels safe and secure in our family. She has trust and makes friends easily. Kate knows on a cursory level that she was adopted from China. She says, "when I was a tiny baby I lived in China." and "Daddy and Willie brought me home on a plane from China." But that is the extent of it for right now. She does not delve deeper and I don't push it. She has never once asked about or mentioned another Mother. She has never asked if she grew in my tummy. We have all of the China adoption books for children (and have read them too) but she never chooses those (even when I reach for them). Instead, she prefers Fancy Nancy or Pinkaliscious or a princess book. She is blissfully unaware that she is "different" in any way. She thinks we look like twins. She screams "MOMMY!!!" with unbridled joy everyday when she sees me in the pick-up line at school. She runs to "Daddy-O" beaming with happiness each day when he comes home from work and she greets her brothers the same way after school.

She doesn't "get" that she came to our family any differently...yet. She is blissfully unaware of the beginnings of her life. Selfishly, I want to hold onto that for a little while longer. I was looking at her belly button the other day while giving her raspberries on her tummy and a sea of emotions came over me. I know that sounds silly but I kept wondering about her belly button and whether it was tied in a hospital or a house, by a relative or a doctor. It pained me not to know and I know these things might pain her later on.

I know that by kindergarten the tough questions and realizations start to come. I will always take her lead on this and answer her questions thoughtfully and as honestly and lovingly as I can. This brings me to the point that when Kate is old enough to understand, I will offer her the option of doing something special with me or Dave or the entire family on April 4th (which is the day she came home and met me and Harry too). I have no doubt that my confident, strong-willed and JOYFUL little girl will be able to make the decision that makes her feel comfortable.

This will be my last post about this stuff for a while. It is too emotional for me. Tomorrow, it is back to the normal "fluff" of 3 Peanuts.

And just for fun here are some photos of Kate before Mass on Sunday. She does not often wear pants but she has these gorgeous, super-model, mile-long legs. We were in a hurry so they are not my best photos by any stretch but I think she looks so cute. My Mom always insisted on no white before Memorial Day (except Easter, maybe?) but here in TX, the rules don't apply;) People wear white all the time.

I know the awful sun on her face...bad photographer!

She is taking a "picture" of me with her tinkerbell phone.