This one is about God.

It is also going to be long (I can tell).  Almost every single thing has gone wrong since we moved here.  Many of them I have not even shared on the blog.  But every single day I wake up and tell myself that it will get better. I began to wonder though and some of my friends even asked if maybe God was trying to tell us something. Maybe God was telling us to go back to Virginia. I think they said it tongue in cheek but I could tell they meant it a little too.
Dave and I have asked ourselves if maybe God was trying to tell us we had made a mistake moving here.  We began to plan out ways that Dave could commute and we could move back to Virginia.  Then I would say, "That is silly.  Bad things happen.  Hurricanes happen.  Moves are hard.  We'll adjust."
I have had a few serious conversations with my close friends asking them, "Do you think God really cares if we are in Virginia or Texas?"  "Do you think He would make all of these things happen to tell us we made a mistake?"  "Is He really in every detail of our lives?"
So, one of my friends advised me to really pray very hard and ask God to show me clearly what He wanted.  I told her I was afraid of the answer (and I was).  But last night I prayed and I begged God to let me know if that was why all of these bad things kept happening to us.  I asked him to knock me over the head with it because between the muscle relaxers and my illness, I am not really picking up on subtleties.
This morning we went to 11 am Mass which we have never done here but I felt compelled to do this week.  The priest was one I had never seen before and his sermon was aimed right for me. He answered the very questions that have been haunting me.  He spoke of a tragic event that happened this week to a family where the Dad was killed.  Then he went on to say that God did not make tragic things happen.  He said, so often we live life on '"cruise control" when things are going smoothly.  We don't make time for God.  He doesn't make bad things happen but in these chaotic times the most important thing is to rely on God.  I wish I could type it as eloquently as he said it today.  I will admit with everything that has been going on here, I have not made the time to turn to God as much as I usually do.  I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I have let a lot of things slide. This sermon made me realize God is not making the bad things happen but He does expect me to rely on Him to pull me through.
I tend to spend more time in prayer and thanksgiving when my life is going smoothly.  Maybe, I need to learn to make the time when things aren't going smoothly too.
Ironically one of the scripture readings today was my favorite verse too:
"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts ad minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
Our current situation also reminds me of all of the things that went wrong in our adoption process. Very few people know the millions of roadblocks we faced. I have shared some of them here and I hope to share others some day.  One was very serious.  I asked a few of these same friends if maybe God was telling us that we should not be adopting.  Maybe He thought that 2 kids was enough for us.  Maybe He thought other people who did not have kids should get the child we were trying to adopt.  One friend sagely told me that God does not lead us down a path he doesn't want us to travel.  Another suggested that perhaps God just wanted me to realize how badly I wanted Kate.
The bottom line is that I think tough times strengthen our faith and I KNOW that God wanted Kate in our family.   
I feel a little silly posting all of this but I also feel as though I need to do it.  Growing up Catholic, I am not used to talking about this stuff publicly.
Now for the mundane.  While I was going up for communion I walked into the side of a pew and really hurt my knee.  I could not walk.  I hobbled out of church and have a very swollen knee. I hobbled home to wait 5 hours for the cable/internet people to show up (C@omc*st).  They NEVER showed.  We called twice to check and we were told they were running late.  Then we were told that they came to our corporate apt building but could not get in the security gate. Our apartment phones are dead too but they were supposed to call our cell phones!  They cancelled our appointment.  New appointments are being scheduled for 2 weeks from now.  I am NOT happy! I despise C@mc*st right now.  I am missing my favorite shows again...not to mention that I missed the debates!  How can I be a responsible voter now?!
I have a few light hearted funny stories about the peanuts to post if I get a chance this week.  I do love Panera!