Love is sloppy

UPDATED: Sorry this is so late.  I had a friend over and we talked the hours of the night away. Okay here is what random.org spit out 

Here are your random numbers:

155 132 

Timestamp: 2008-06-07 05:15:57 UTC

This makes Kristen F. and Staci the winners of the Traditional Home magazine subscriptions. I know what you are thinking and yes, Staci is one of my very best friends AND Kate's Godmother but this was not fixed.  As I laboriously counted the comments and saw hers was #132...I thought--- Oh no, people will think it was rigged:)  Feel free to double check my counting.  It is 1:27 a.m. Kristen, please e-mail me your address.  Staci, I know yours. Congratulations to both of you.

Yesterday, as I was talking to Harry's enrichment teacher at school about parenting (my favorite topic) she said, "Kim, love is sloppy."  I stopped dead in my tracks and thought...YES, it is.  We try as we might but we don't always get it right.

So, let me begin this post my saying my love is sloppy.  I do not always get it right.  My kids are kind and compassionate and they are better behaved than most. I think we are doing a good job but I make mistakes.  I yell sometimes and I lose my patience.  Sometimes I make a big deal out of a very little thing if I am tired.  All that said, I try so hard at parenting. It is my passion.  I am always talking about the kids and their little issues and how to be a better Mom.  I know that it is the main topic of conversation with at least two of my closest friends. I have a Ph.D. in marriage and family communication and I did lots of training to be a counselor so some might consider me an expert.  However one often loses that perspective when it is their own kids.  I know a lot but I sure don't know everything.  

Here are some of my favorite parenting type books:

My absolute favorite book on discipline is Smart Discipline.  This book changed the way that I parent. In sum, it discusses what kids need as far as structure, rules, praise, etc.  Then it offers a very easy and tangible method for motivating children to behave on their own. At first, it seems like another reward/punishment plan but it is not.  The smart discipline method helps kids know exactly what is expected of them and what the consequence will be if they break the rules. Moreover, I have seen my kids actually stop and think about a behavior and choose not to do it. This method helps them to learn self control.  I LOVE this book!  I will say that I have recommended this approach many, many times.  The people that actually stick with it...RAVE about it.  The people that claim it did not work, gave a very half hearted effort. While I think every parent should read this book, some of the principles are not adaptable for very young children.  I use this primarily with Will and Harry and it has worked wonders.  In fact, a friend has borrowed mine and ahem---now that summer is here--I really need it back;)

Another favorite of mine is Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry by Katrina Kenison.  Katrine Kenison's message is the one I think that parents need to hear the most. I know that I have readers and friends of all faiths. Many people ask me if this book is very religious due to the title. No, it is not.  The message is about savoring the little moments and the title is from one story in the book.   I actually keep this one of my bedside table and have for years! It is truly inspirational. You will LOVE this book.

Another book that is humorous and a unique perspective is called Confessions of a Slacker Mom by Muffy Mead-Ferro. While this is not a "parenting book" per se, the author mocks how overindulgent and overprotective we have become as a society of parents. I do think the WORST mistake parents are making today is overindulging their kids. The author advises us to parent by instinct.  I think her advice is great if you have good instincts but we have all witnessed  parents with poor instincts.  This book made me laugh and it made me think. This slender little paperback is a great airplane or pool side read.  She makes some very good points.  One reviewer says this:

Parents who are fed up with the pressure to turn their children into star athletes, concert violinists, and merit scholars-all at once finally have an alternative: the world of Slacker Moms, where kids learn to do things for themselves and parents can cut themselves some slack; where it's perfectly all right to do less, have less, and spend less. Slacker moms say "No" to parenting philosophies that undermine parents'-and children's-ability to think for themselves. They say "Yes" to saving their money and time by opting out of the parenting competition. And they say "Hell, Yes!" to having a life of their own, knowing it makes them better parents.In this witty and insightful book, author Muffy Mead-Ferro reflects on her experience of growing up on a ranch in Wyoming, where parenting-by necessity-was more hands-off, people "made do" with what they had, and common sense and generational wisdom prevailed. We should all take her sane lead!

If you have more than one child, Siblings without Rivalry is a must read. I bought this book as soon as Harry was born and I implemented the techniques so as not to set up  sibling rivalry from the start. The authors say that parents need to let kids work out their own quarrels and teach them to negotiate with each other rather than step in and solve the disagreements.  I would love to say I follow it 100% of the time but I don't. Sometimes it is too easy to step in. I try to let them work it out a lot and I can tell you (as can anyone who knows our family) that Will and Harry are best friends even thought they are 3 and 1/2 years apart.  They do fight and they do have some rivalry or jealousy but they have about as close a relationship of any brothers I know.

Another book I like a lot is titled, Are we having fun yet? The 16 Secrets of Happy Parenting by Kay Willis and Maryann Bucknum Brinley.  This book is another one that reminds us how to let go of some of the pressure of being a perfect parent and offers strategies for enjoying parenting.  I really like this one a lot and it is an easy read.

I also LOVE The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie O' Martian.  It has specific prayers and Bible verses for most circumstances we face with our children.  It has also been on my bedside for most of the past 11 years.  

I could go on and on and on.... I have many parenting books on my shelves and some are really GREAT.  But these are the ones I come back to again and again when I need perspective.  

I almost feel funny writing this post because we are facing some parenting speed bumps right now (nothing serious) in our house.  I do know though that the best thing we can give our kids is our time and undivided attention. So, since my peanuts are out of school (as of noon today), I will be trying to do just that.  I will still post (after everyone is in bed) as I want to document our special everyday adventures this summer.  However, I will be reading and commenting much less on other blogs.  This makes me sad because I love catching up with y'all but I need to practice what I preach and spend the time with the people I treasure the most.  I hope you understand.

P.S. Thank you for the overwhelming and kind responses to my request to say hello.  I thoroughly enjoyed hearing from all of you and finding out how many of you found us.  I had no idea that  some people read who were not married yet or did not have kids.  I was so overwhelmed (and a tad embarrassed) by all of the nice things you said.  Thank you. I will have random.org pick two winners tonight  for Traditional Home after the peanuts are in bed and I'll update this post.