A response to rudeness

Monday, November 26, 2007
For the first time I have received a ridiculously improper and rude comment on my blog. I would ask that if you cannot say anything nice, please don't say anything at all. You do not have to read our family blog if you don't want to. I do not say anything mean to anyone here or on other people's blogs. If I don't like a blog or the way someone parents, I simply stop going to their blog. If you don't want to see my home or they way we live, stop visiting. I think people come by because they like to see what we are up to. I think (from the e-mails I receive) that maybe this helps some waiting families.

I am so hurt and so upset right now (which was probably the commenter's goal) that I am physically shaking. I know the comment came from her own place of unhappiness but it doesn't do anyone any good to simply be mean. Also, I have site meter so I have figured out who you are. I am praying for your unhappy heart (thanks to a special little girl for that advice).

And to respond to one of your three hurtful comments, Kate is bonding absolutely fine now. We have had a MAJOR turn-around. She does not reach for strangers anymore and in fact, she is rather clingy until she warms up to people. So, I thought it would be okay to let my sister and her husband hold her. She waited until she was comfortable with them and then she went to them. I happen to be a specialist in the field of family psychology and communication and I have consulted with an attachment clinic. Unless you have more experience than that, please keep your hurtful observations to yourself!

I am sorry but if this continues, I will take the blog private. I do this as a scrapbook to my family (who mean the world to me). My family has been and always will be my first priority. I will not risk people judging us or making rude remarks about the people I love.

63 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, Kim. I am so sorry this happened. You do not deserve this!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED MANNERS?!?!

    Sheila

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  2. Kim, I am so sorry about this. I have been subject to so many hurtful comments. My best advice would to ignore them, and maybe moderate comments. It won't stop you from seeing them though. Maybe a PW is the best thing? I am seriously considering making my blogs private, there have been too many nastiness going on. I hate that!!!

    Shana

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  3. So sad...your blog brings much joy to many lives!!

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  4. Your blog is wonderfully refreshing, and I look forward to checking in on you all each week. With your professional background you know this is about the other person and not you. Poor sad pitiful other person. Happy Open Honest Loving YOU! Thank you for sharing!

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  5. I am so sorry that you had someone make inappropriate comments...how mean!! Hang in there...your blog is fab..I would love to see it to continue, but I understand that you should put your family first.

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  6. I'll never understand what makes someone stick their nose in someone else's business. Our blogs are not out there for advice...unless we ask for it.

    I love your blog and your honesty. Too many adoptive parents think that life is all wonderful after you come home. It can be, but it is also usually a challenge with a period of adjustment. It would be great if everyone were as open as you have been so that more pepole would have a better understanding.

    I'm sorry that this person made you feel bad. I'm glad you know who it is. Maybe that will make them stop visiting your blog.

    ~Lynn

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  7. I love your blog and I am sorry that some people can be so hurtful. That person is probably so unhappy in their life that they want to bring some pain to others. Just know that your story does help others in their wait.

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  8. Kim,
    I also am sorry this has happened to you. We are LID 3/8/07 with Great Wall. Needless to say, we are in for a long wait. I have looked in on you every morning for many months. Every visit, I either learn something or enjoy a heartfelt giggle, and always love your pictures! Please don't let the negative energy of one person change a thing about you or your blog! Blessings from Illinois!
    Michelle
    aka...Raegan's mom!

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  9. I always read your blog although I rarely comment. I think you have a beautiful family and even though I am not in the same journey many of you readers are (yet) I truly think that you are such an inspiration to many. You are a beautiful Christian woman who puts her family first! You know your daughter better than ANYBODY! How dare this person come into your living room and disrespect you in that way. I truly feel sorry for that person as they do not know what real happiness is!

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  10. Absolutely ridiculous!!! I don't have words to describe how horrible this makes me feel for you:( I can think of NOTHING but nice things to say about you and your family. I think it boils down to jealousy. Some people lash out with rudeness when they are really very jealous. I did not see the comment, but I like how another comment said "poor, sad, pitiful other person". That is the TRUTH!!

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  11. Although I have never met you, I completely enjoy reading your blog. I found yours through someone else's adoption blog. I was quite interested since we also live in VA (Spotsylvania) and we have a daughter from Taiwan. You do an amazing job with it and I would hate to not be able to read it. Please don't let one persons ugly comments destroy what you have created.
    Jennifer, mom to Chloe, Kale, Keegan,and Cody
    davisfamilyof6.blogspot.com

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  12. Kim,
    I am so very sorry that this happened. You know my experience and it makes me so mad that someone did that to you. Shana is right, ignore them. You are so sweet and caring and you know I just love you and your family. Just remember that you are stronger than this and your blog has been an inspiration to so many people!

    BIG BIG
    Ladybug hugs my friend,
    ;D

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  13. That is just terrible that someone could be so mean and hurtful. Like you said, no one has to visit your site. On a positive note your Thanksgiving photos are beautiful! As a waiting family I enjoy reading your blog and seeing your family...it gives us hope.

    Karen

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  14. Kim -
    As I let you know yesterday I very much enjoy your blog. You have a lovely family and you seem to be a wonderful mom to your 3 peanuts. You have been kind enough to share the story of your family with others. And as I mentioned your blog helped me get through the end of our long wait. I am sorry for you that someone could be so hurtful. People need to remember if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. For all of us who enjoy your blog thanks for sharing!

    - Bridget

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  15. This is my first time to respond b/c I have been too shy but I just wanted to tell you how much I LOVE reading about your beautiful family. I know that some people can be so hurtful but please do know that so many people enjoy reading your blog and appreciate you sharing your life with us.

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  16. Kim,

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Don't allow one person's nastiness to steal your joy or stop you from sharing your life with so many who enjoy hearing from you.

    Kristi

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  17. Dear Kim,

    I am so sorry that someone left a rude comment on your blog. I have always felt such a happy, authentic family life here. I can only imagine that the person who left the comment must have been hurt dreadfully in their life ... and I too will pray for them. Don't let this person shake you my friend - know that your life is beautiful because that is what you chose to create. I'm so glad you have become part of my blogging world!

    Warmly,
    Michelle

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  18. KIm, dont let this bug you. I got a few nasty comments on my blog a few times and it made me so mad that i too was shaking! I thought about making my blog private but realized that it encouraged so many people that it woudl be ashame to let those mean and nasty people win. Your blog is inspirational and helps so many. Dont let this bug you. YOu are an amazing woman with an amazing family-- best advice-- ignore those ignorant people.

    Christy :)

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  19. It's such a shame that people can be so mean and hurtful. Sounds like someone is really unhappy and maybe even jealous of your beautiful family. I hope you dont have to go private with your blog, I enjoy reading about your family and seeing the beautiful pictures. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season. Maybe we just all need to pray for the sad person, sounds like they need some prayers, doesnt it?

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  20. Kim,
    So sorry people are so mean. You are right...the best thing to do is to pray for people like this. This person is obviously very unhappy with their own life or they would never be so mean. As a teacher who stumbled upon your blog through a series of blogs that leads back to a friend that adopted to China, I can say your children seem like wonderful kids who are loved and taken care of the way I wish all my students were. Don't let this person steal your joy!
    Take care!
    Jennifer

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  21. Sounds to me like jealousy has reared it's ugly head. I feel bad for you for that. I love your blog, your family and your pictures. Be Happy!
    Brightest Blessings to You and your Family!
    Jenne C.

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  22. oh Kim I am so so sorry:(:( Big hugs to you. I don't understand why people feel the need to be hurtful, and especially when there is absolutely NO call for it. They are not worth your thoughts. You encourage and inspire so many of us with your beautiful blog. Hugs
    Connie

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  23. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. I read your blog all the time but have never commented. I think you have a wonderful and amazing family.

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  24. Hi! I havene't posted before, but I just want you to know that your site gives those in the "waiting stage" a sense of hope and the "dreams become reality" feeling. Friends of mine are adopting and I know she visits your site often (and I must admit that I check in to see your photos and get ideas for my girls outfits). It is hard to believe that there are people out there with that much unhappiness. Know that your website is a source of hope and a testament to true family love and values to the adoption world!

    Ashley (Baltimore, MD)

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  25. Oh, Kim, I am so sorry. I know how upsetting it can be... try to let it go. Consider the source... someone who is either miserable and jealous or someone who just wants to hurt others. I do understand how it makes you feel but you do not need to defend yourself to anyone. Anyone who has the honour and blessing of knowing you already knows what a loving, wonderful, sweet, caring mother you are.
    Yes, we all do need to pray for them but other than that.... "Do not cast your pearls before swine."
    Love you,
    Daleea

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  26. So sorry to hear about what someone said to you...
    This is how I look at it...
    They are so misrable (don't make fun of me if I just spelled that wrong) with their own life that they have to say something to someone else to make them feel sad...
    I can not stand people like that...
    You are a wonderful person and have a wonderful family..
    Only you know what is best for Kate...
    Hope you don't go private..
    I love reading about your adventures and your daily routines.. It will help me in the long run...
    And I wouldn't know where to get such cute little clothes..
    Hope your evening is better..
    And for the bad person...
    GO AWAY..
    Kim

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  27. sweet sweet kim...don't let whomever wrote something nasty rob your joy. you are obviously a wonderful mother with such an amazing love for your little peanuts. God has blessed your family & you are a light to the world.
    it always astonishes me why some people think we want to hear their selfish rude & cowardly thoughts.
    big hug!

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  28. Kim, you have such a forgiving and loving heart to pray for this person that left a rude comment.
    I'm sure it's very upsetting, and I'm sorry it happened. You are a incredibly loving and intuitive mother that does a great job of balancing all that you do, and with such beauty and grace....and style!! :)
    I always enjoy visiting your family and always look forward to returning!! Thanks for allowing us to peek into your beautiful life and sharing all that you do! (hug)

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  29. The person who left a comment doesn't know you or your family. They don't have a family who demonstrates class and dignity in everything they do. All they do is "try" and look for flaws they see in themselves in others. The person who hurt you is hurting themselves. They are a person who is socially unacceptable and incapable of keeping "real" friends in the real world. I bet they have no friends and a pathetic family life. I say just enjoy your wonderful life and forget those who would try and tear you down. If someone says something mean, they are a mean, hurtful person. Not worth my time or yours.

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  30. Kim,
    I too love your blog. I appreciate your openness and am inspired by all you do with your children. Look at their CONSTANT GENUINE smiles - that is amazing! I am truly in awe of your dedication to family and appreciate you taking the time to share with visitors. While I really hope you do not go private, I understand your consideration of the idea. I couldn't agree with you more - if you don't like it - don't come to the blog! Period!
    Hugs to you!
    ~Lynn/PA

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  31. Hey Kim - I just got back from a holiday week up north...total blog/computer withdrawl. I am so sad that someone would make negative comments about you or your family. What on earth are some people thinking? Incredible! If your photos and journal share anything, it is that you have a beautiful loving family, amazing children, and a heart bursting with love and tenderness. I love checking in with your 3 peanuts. Know that you have a faithful reader and friend in WI.

    Blessings - Beth (& Hope, too.)

    P.S. I'll send you a quick email for your list. :) I don't know if you remember, but our laptop hard drive crashed in China. WHAT A PAIN!

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  32. Kim that is so sad that someone left mean comments on your blog. You have such a darling family and I love reading your blog. I know there is a way to set your comments to be read by your first before a comment can be left on your blog.

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  33. I am so sorry you had a rude person who is clearly a jealous person leave comments - I'm constantly struggling with going private. These are our scrapbooks and we share them - how dare anyone make rude comments - I have not gotten a rude comment but received email from a fake address that has me thinking twice. I hate that.

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  34. Kim, I am so sorry that you have had to go through this! I absolutely do not understand people like this! Hang in there....there are so many of us that love to read your blog! You are an inspiration!

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  35. Kim -- You are truly a wonderful person and mom to your 3 peanuts!Hang in there!

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  36. Kim, I'm so sorry you received hurtful comments. I haven't been visiting your blog long and I absolutely LOVE it! I can see how happy ALL of your children are and I love hearing about your lives. :)
    Thank you for your honesty and being a strong Christian Mother!

    Linette

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  37. I also adore your blog Kim. It's very sad that others can so easily ruin something special. I hope you keep it up and your comment was VERY WELL STATED. So sorry someone made those comments.

    Reneé, mom to 2 wonderful, amazing girls from China
    www.daughtersfromafar.blogspot.com

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  38. Hi there! I dont want to reapeat what has already been written by clearly all of these lovely ladies above my comment- its all true-

    I will say in addition- that I know that whenever someone goes out there and put themselves and their heart out- they will gain- always- as you have with your blog- so many of us are friends who have never even met- cheerleaders at our daily "tea party" of life. I also know that when we do this there will always be at least one person- who just cant handle it- so sad where this began in their life- probably in their own childhood- so much more hurt and not fittting in unless they belittle others that they cant even see it-so sorry for they way they go through this gorgeous life

    YOU are above that and they will not take this blog or anything else away from you-

    I heard a great saying on Oprah once- Mediocrity will always Attack Excellence-- that is what happened here.

    Take Anonymous comments off your blog profile-
    I would have been so rattled too- which is why I took the time to write that- because I mean what I say and I cant stand it when people act like bullies-

    Warmest wishes- Anne

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  39. Kim,

    I am so sorry and hurt for you that someone would leave such hurtful comments about your family. Nothing hurts more. I will certainly be praying for the person and their obvious issue with jealousy.

    You truly have a beautiful family and you have been so incredibly blessed!

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  40. I for one love your blog. I have read it only for a short time. I am a Mom to 5 bio children and 3 adopted ones. It has been wonderful. I am also a grandmother to 11. I am so sorry that you had to read awful things. Please don't pay attention. I know it's hard, but consider the source. You have a beautiful family, beautiful home, and you yourself are beautiful. It is uplifting to read about your family and to see their beautiful faces. If you go private, please let me be a reader. I will send you my e-mail address.
    Natalie
    narhets@hotmail.com

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  41. Kim,

    I am SO sorry that this happened to you! No one deserves to be judged. You need to do your best to ignore this terrible person.

    Look at how many people LOVE you, Kim. Through this blog I have made such an incredible friend and I am so so grateful for you. You bring so much joy to SO many people!

    If this happens again maybe you should go private. I know you have thought a lot about that and it might be best for you.

    I am so sorry you were subjected to such cruelty. I will call you tomorrow.

    Lots of love to a great friend one of the most amazing moms out there,

    Danielle

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  42. So sorry this has happened to you. I hope you don't go private, I really enjoy your blog and your beautiful family. I think you can change the setting so you don't allow any anonymous comments, so those cowards will have to sign their name (which of course, they won't!)

    I think it would boil down to good old fashioned jealousy. Shame on them.

    I am jealous that it's not warm enough here to open my french doors! Brrrrr! ;)

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  43. Oh Kim, I was so saddened to read that someone could be so mean to you and your precious family. Your blog is one of the few that I keep reading - it has really helped me through the long wait (which you know has been longer than most) I love reading your advice on attachment, getting all those wonderful links to the cutest clothes and above all, just the privilege of having a glimpse into your family life and the joy that your boys and Kate bring to you and your husband.

    Your blog is a blessing to many, maybe comment moderation might do the trick - that way you can read the comments beforehand and then chose what to publish - these nasty people simply get their kicks from controversy, so if they are not published then hopefully they will go away!

    I know I don't comment as often these days but I read your entries every time in my google reader, I love to see your blog come up in bold with a new entry every time! Thanks Kim, also for your personal support and concern via emails.

    Jane (Oct DTC group)

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  44. Hi Kim,

    I haven't commented on your blog before but I've been reading it for a couple of months and I really enjoy your posts and being able to see your beautiful family. Although I'm only 22 and a recent graduate I have aspirations to adopt in the future and so that's why I find blogs so interesting, I was saddened to hear that someone doesn't appreciate the love and joy that is so evident to me in your blog. Prayer is the answer,

    Best wishes to you and your family, I really hope you don't go private!!

    Katie in Liverpool, England xx

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  45. Kim,

    I am so sorry you received such a rude comment. I have been reading your blog since Kate came home, but rarely comment. One of the reasons why so many people love your blog is because your beautiful and sweet spirit shines in everything you write and all that your children do. You have a beautiful family and a happy life. This person is probably hurting for everything that you have. Password protection is not a bad idea, although I would hate to see you go away. :D

    Sheryl

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  46. Please do not let the nastiness of one person (who obviously needs help!) ruin your excitement for blogging... or sharing with those of us that are waiting, waiting, waiting. I check on the 3 peanuts each day, I pray for you and your family daily and feel like you are part of OUR family! You are one of the most kind and giving people I can think of... I am so sorry you even had to read what must have been extremely rude!

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  47. I just wanted to say that I too have enjoyed reading your blog and learning about your family. I am very interested in adopting in the future and have benefited from reading about your experience. Thank you for sharing it with all of us, and I'm sorry you have had to deal with nasty and undeserved rudeness. You sound like a wonderful mom to me!!

    Best,

    Tamara

    New York, NY

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  48. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I have been away for a few days for the holidays and checked back in this morning to read about your family celebration. I think you handled it very well. We should all pray for this commenter.

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  49. Hi Kim,
    This is kind of a strange coincidence but I think your older son may be in the same grade at the same school my son goes to. I found your site through a preppy woman site I read and the pictures of Will looked a lot like a boy who came to my son's bowling party a few weeks ago. I don't like to post much personal info on the web and I don't have a blog but if I sign my name, you will know who I am. I am very shy about posting but I figured I should introduce myself in case I ever meet you at the school! I am sorry someone made a rude comment--that's just mean.
    Your family seems like a very nice bunch!
    Laurie

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  50. I am so sorry to read what happen to you:(, I totally understand if you make your blog private. I don't know you and I check your blog often, I love it!. You always post the best places to shop, your family looks great, and Kate can't be cutter. You have a great family and you go far taking care of them. Truly, how somebody can be so mean to you, I don't understand.
    I love your blog!!! It is such a joy to read!!!
    Andrea.

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  51. Kim,

    I have certainly appreciated your candor & your transparency! I am a mom to 2 boys, waiting for our little girl from China & I dream about the day when I will be going through similar issues! Your blog has helped me to get through almost 7 months so far! That is a such a blessing! If you go password protected, please take me along!

    Blessings,
    Sara

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  52. I am so sorry someone was so ugly! I can't believe how people would think that it is their place to judge. That is unbelievable to me. You have such a precious family and I love dropping in to see what you're up to. You are such a blessing to so many of us.

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  53. Well, by all the responses that you've had, you can tell how much your blog means to us! Some people just never really grow up now do they?

    So sorry for the crappy comment. I had a nasty troll for awhile, I searched their IP address and threatened to do a whole post on them, down to the size modem they were using if they ever visited again. I wonder if these trolls that make their way through our blogs is all the same person? Hmmm....

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  54. Don't get rattled. Anon has struck many places but I think the intent is to upset. Obviously they have severe issues. Your family is precious.

    Beverly

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  55. So sorry! I've had a few... So unfortunate that people feel the need. Didn't their momma tell them?!?

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  56. Kim,

    Ditto what all your wonderful readers have said! Sooooo many of us read and love your blog (I check it daily!) and I pray that you won't let one person steal your joy. Your act of forgiveness is so telling of your kind and faith-filled heart. So very many waiting families need positive, uplifting, and honest blogs like yours. I hope you'll feel that you can continue to share the 3 precious peanuts with us!

    Jennifer, mommy to Adrienne

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  57. Oh Kim....I am so sorry. There are rude people in this world....I love coming to your blog....I'll follow you however you choose! ;)

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  58. Oh Kim, this is one of my biggest fears about my blog. I don't post alot of content other than pictures so that may have spared me for now. Here is one of my favorite quotes for you:

    People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
    Love them anyway.

    If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
    Do good anyway.

    If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
    Succeed anyway.

    The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
    Do good anyway.

    Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
    Be honest and frank anyway.

    The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
    Think big anyway.

    What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
    Build anyway.

    People really need help but may attack if you help them.
    Help people anyway.

    Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you've got anyway.

    Dr. Kent M. Keith

    You are doing a great thing for the IA community. Please continue! If you decide to go private, we all understand, but I too will want to be on your "preferred readers" list!
    Hugs,
    Kim and Katiebug

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  59. Oh Kim, ditto, ditto, ditto. You're blog is such a joy for all of us, and an inspiration for those of us still waiting for our daughters. All we can do is pray for people like that. I too, would follow your blog no matter what you choose.

    Blessings to your family!

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  60. Kim,
    I have never posted to your site but I wanted to let you know that I think you have a beautiful family and I so enjoy your daily blogs and pictures of your children. We are one of those families that is traveling to China to bring home our little girl. Our LID is 4/12/06 so I know that we still have quite a wait. I think you are an inspiration and are doing a wonderful job raising your children. I find a lot of good information from your blog regarding what it will be like when we bring our little one home. It's not all roses and butterflies! We have and 3 year old boy and a 20 year old boy in college. I appreciate your honesty for sharing your ups and downs with Kate. So glad to hear that there are so many ups!!
    It's too bad there are people in this world who have no manners and can't keep their negative comments to themselves. God Bless!
    Cathy

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  61. Kim,
    I am so sorry this has happened to you. People can be so RUDE!!!! Please make a note to send me an email if you go private, I LOVE your site and your blog is the light at the end of the tunnel for me and this wait!!!!

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  62. Kim
    I'm so sorry that someone left you rude comments. We were LID in Feb of this year. I visit your blog regularly, because yes, it does help in the wait.
    I hope you do not remove your blog from the public as I would really miss it.
    Peggy

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  63. I have been reading and enjoying your blog for months now. We have two beautiful daughters from China and our youngest came home in the spring (about the time your Kate came home). Please don't be discouraged by one rude comment; you are totally right in that that person does NOT have to read your blog. You have a beautiful family who wears very nice clothes. I'm living vicariously through you right now as we are all decked out in our best Target clothes on a daily basis ;)

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Thank you for your kindness.