Somewhere Between

Tuesday, September 25, 2012




Fellow blogger and adoptive Mom, Kristi emailed me the other day telling me about this film and that it would be in our city this week.  I immediately jumped online and bought 2 tickets for last night's showing.  My sweet husband Dave is NOT a movie person at all.  I am.  I asked him if he'd go with me but I did not really expect him to say yes.  He immediately agreed and I am so grateful that he did.  We needed to see it together because one cannot articulate the power of this movie.  There really is no way to describe it, you just have to see it.

I cried a lot.  I saw so many sides to the adoption stories we all share.  I had compassion for so many different parts of the whole.  I am still trying to process this amazing documentary. I would actually like to see it again because every single minute of it had me mesmerized.  If you have adopted a daughter from China, you really cannot miss seeing this. It will help you understand things that your daughter might eventually feel and it will empower you as her parent to help her through.

After the film, the filmmaker joined us on Skype for a very biref discussion and to answer a few questions. She is the Mom to a 7 year old daughter, Ruby adopted from China and she made this film to honor her daughter.  You can read the directors statement here.

I really enjoyed seeing/hearing the filmmaker but I got an even better gift after the film.  Sitting behind me was a 40 year old adoptee from Korea.  I asked her about her experiences growing up and when she started to really have questions about her identity and her heritage.  I wanted to know when the true, deep questions of identity and belonging emerge...not the occasional ones our little girls ask.  She told me that it happens whenever you start to "hate your Mom" in the tween and teen years (which all kids feel as part of normal development).  So part of the individuation that takes place in the teen years will have deeper significance for many of these girls.  She also shared some of her story and insight with me and Dave and it was so helpful.  This woman is a wife and a Mom and a physician.  She loves her family and is so grateful they adopted her.  She seems happy and fulfilled.  But she did have some angst in the teen years and she said some hurtful things to her adoptive Mom.  The things she shared with us are little gems of wisdom and insight that I will tuck away and hopefully remember when and if Kate goes through them.

I know some people don't want to see films like this.  Some people don't want to dig into the deep emotional wells. I understand that but this film is something that every one in the international adoption community could benefit from seeing.  It will help us to be better parents to our children and who does not want that?

You can check here to see when it is showing near you.  At our screening, someone had driven in from Austin and someone was visiting form New York.  It is that powerful of a film.

23 comments:

  1. I think the film sounds amazing and would be a great resource for any adoptive parent, especially ones who have adopted transracially. If nothing else is must give you a piece of mind that you may go through some tough years, but that it's completely normal.

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    1. Love this comment. I think ANY adoptive parent could benefit from this movie. The lines of adoption crosses many racial divides, be it an adoption here in the U S or INTERNATIONAL.Every adoptee has a story, every adoptee has questions. They ALL experience the same angst, the same desires, the same questions...TO KNOW.

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  2. PS - Is it a movie you would eventually show Kate and her brothers?

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    1. GREAT question! There were a few teens in the film who were adopted. The filmmakers say that it is not appropriate for children under 13 due to sensitive subjects and I totally agree. Will could for sure handle it and it would probably be good for him to see. And eventually probably Kate and Harry. I would not suggest it to Kate unless she were really ready though. There is one moment where the audience gasped at a question that could really hurt an adoptee. It is a heavy movie but if a teen were ready to talk about these issues, it might be a great jumping off point.

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  3. I cannot wait to see this film! It was supposed to be playing here on Long Island in October, but has been canceled! I am so disappointed and have sent emails and facebook pleads for it to come to LI! Thanks for the insight!

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  4. Wow- I really want to see it now! I'm going to see if I can find it in my area. It sounds amazing.

    KK

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  5. It was playing about an hour from my house this Sunday in Berkeley, but since I found out about it at the last minute, I couldnt make it fit with all the other things we had going on. It's probably for the best that I watch it on DVD at home though so my sniffing and nose blowing doesn't bother anyone. ;)

    It looks amazing. Even the trailer had me crying. I'm glad you got to see it.

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  6. I would love to see this film. We are having so many issues with Emma right now, and she is only 4! It doesn't look like it's going to be in any theaters in NC though! :(

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  7. I would love to see this documentary. It sounds so interesting! Too bad it isn't showing near me.

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  8. I would love to see this film especially since Miss I. will turn 13 in a few months.

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  9. Wish I could see this, but it will not be anywhere even close by here. So happy you and Dave were able to see it.

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  10. it's coming to nashville soon and i just bought my ticket! thanks so much for the info b/c i've never heard about it!

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  11. Great post! Sounds like a great film. Will also pass this on to two sets of parents that have adopted.

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  12. Thanks so much for posting about this. I'm so bummed I missed the LA screening. I'm hoping it will come out online soon...

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  13. Thanks for posting about this. SO important. I'm really bummed I missed the LA screening. :( Going to try to find it online...

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  14. It sounds AMAZING, Kim! Certainly with DVDs and Netflix, etc. anyone who wishes will eventually be able to see it. I LOVE films and books like this! Bravo to you and Dave for empowering yourself and your sweet Kate!

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    1. Very true Olivia BUT there was something about seeing it in a community environment with people directly affected by these issues. I leaned almost as much from the discussion afterwards as I did from the film. So, I would still encourage people to try to see it in a forum where there might be q and a. Many of the screenings are offering that with the filmmaker and the girls in the film.

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  15. Dear Kim

    Hello...thank you so much for posting about something that I would never have known about. I have 2 girls, born and adopted from China and they are 12 and almost 10, so we are there. I would appreciate it if you could please post what little gems of knowledge stick with you that you tucked away that might help if Kate goes through any angst. I would love to hear your points, if and when you have a minute, and only if you would like to share.
    Thank you Kim.

    Kind Regards

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    1. I don't want to share that woman's personal story because it is hers...but I will try to think up a way to post the general ideas I took away from her sharing. I am still trying to process the movie to be honest and it was all quite overwhelming and hard to articulate.


      Kim

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  16. I'm glad you and Dave were able to see it. We have a commitment the one night it's coming to Chicago but I know they're trying to add a week of screenings at a different theater.

    I don't think knowledge is ever a bad thing. I think it's a gift to be able to hear what the search for identity is like for these four young women.

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  17. Thank you Kim. I appreciate what you are saying. And if there is a way you are able to post general ideas I would be grateful as we never know what the tween years will bring.
    I have enjoyed your blog very much and have appreciated your thoughts and your sharing.

    Warm Regards

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  18. Dear Kim

    I appreciate what you are saying with regards to the woman's story. I would be grateful for any general ideas that you may be comfortable sharing. We never know what the tween years will bring especially with our adopted children.
    I enjoy your blog very much and all that you share.

    Kind Regards

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  19. I hope they get this to MSP! I want to see it too!!!!!!! The questions are starting over here... I am very thankful that God chose these girls for us!! Reality is their stories are hard.. And, the more equipped we are to share and empathize the better... You were blessed to be able to see this with Dave too!!

    Hugs,
    Di

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Thank you for your kindness.