The Mom I want to be

Thursday, February 2, 2012
I am shouldering a certain level of stress.  There are a lot of things in our life that are undecided or up in the air right now.  Admittedly, I don't do very well with that.  None of it is terribly serious (except maybe one) but still I feel burdened.  So, Monday was a very harried afternoon. I had to get supplies and help Kate do her 100 day project, pick up some friends from school, finish cooking dinner, get Will's friend from school and drive Will and friend to swim team, get Kate and Harry fed and dressed for Judo.  I had to do about 90 things in a matter of an hour and a half.  So, I was a little snappy.

When we got home from school and Hobby Lobby, Harry asked for a snack.  I quickly told him he could have fruit (he did not like that answer).  He sat at the kitchen table and quietly cried while he peeled his banana.  I asked him what was wrong. I honestly thought he was upset because I made him have a healthy snack.  He replied, "All you have done since you picked us up from school today is yell at me and Kate."  I quickly defended myself saying, "I have not yelled once."  And technically, I had not yelled (not like I sometimes do). I was hurrying them along and I was short and aggravated with them but I was not really yelling.  I continued to do the dishes for a minute all the while defending myself in my own thoughts.  Then, I stopped and sat at the table with Harry and looked him in the eye and apologized.  I explained to him that sometimes it is really hard being a Mom and I am so sorry that I took my own stress out on him and Kate.  I was embarrassed.  I was humbled.  I DO NOT want to be that Mom.  I do not want to snap at my kids because I am overwhelmed.  It is not their fault that I am having trouble keeping it all going.  It is mine.

Last night Harry asked me if I would come up to school and have lunch with him today.  I am not sure if it is me he wants or the Chic-fil-A I will be bringing him.  But you know what?  It doesn't matter.  My son wants to eat lunch with his Mom at school today and I am making the time to do that with him. THAT is the Mom I want to be.

Here is a little prayer a friend shared with our Mom's group this week. She ironically shared it Monday morning....

Instead of feeling overwrought with demands to the point of being
overwhelmed, feel the overflowing joy that comes from daily life in the
midst of a hustling, bustling family. The two halves make one marvelous
whole of God's balance.

You can find this prayer and more in A Mother's Daily Prayer Book.




And Kate did a splendid job on her 100 day project.  I had to leave to drive Will and she made 10 fans of 10 craft sticks all on her own.  So proud of her diligence.

100_5797

She is trying to write her name in "cursive."  Now, I am off to Chic-fil-A and lunch with my Harry:)

28 comments:

  1. I am not a mom, but I had a great one. And she snapped at us when she was overwhelmed (and still does!) I never loved her any less or thought she was a worse mother because of that. In fact, I still think I have best mom out of everyone I know, even if the other moms are always seem cool as a cucumber...You are doing an amazing job!

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  2. Oh Kim- We are all guilty of being snippy to someone undeservingly. I too, am really good at justifying it, unfortunately. Thanks for giving me something to do a little self reflecting on this week. Now, go enjoy your yummy Chick-fil-A with your sweet Harry!! :) xoxo Brooke

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  3. I just had this the thing happen with the Chick Fil A and mine was a lesson..I feel the same way and I had one home for 2 days and nothing got done around here and today is our harried day and you are right..it isn't their fault we are feeling the stress. GREAT POST!

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  4. I just teared up reading this. Sweet Harry. Recently, I had lunch with two girlfriends (separately) and this was the main topic of conversation. We all do this on occasion and we all hopefully learn and grow from it. And continue praying for each other! It helps to read comments like the one from MCW :) She's exactly right.

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  5. Thanks for this one!! I went to bed last night just sad about my behavior as a mom !

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  6. This is a marvelous post and I'm giving you a big hug right now.
    Being a mother is one of the most difficult undertakings we will ever have on this earth and it is never easy. Some days being a mother goes better than others and by the grace of God, we end up looking like the hero instead of the days that we look like the troll under the bridge.
    I don't have to know you to know you are a fabulous mother...I can just tell you are. Best wishes and blessing to you and your family always.

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  7. Oh Kim...I love that quote! Thank you for writing this post and making me feel better after a "hard day"......

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  8. I have to admit "I am that Mom" at times. I'm not giving an excuse but sometimes LIFE happens. It's important that we let our kids know "we are human" and we have the "not so proud mommy moments". Just the other day I was in a "terrible mood" and rushing my sweet girl, she stopped and turned to me and said "Momma, just slow down and relax and take a deeeeeep breath"! Oh gosh, did she stop me in my tracks and put the biggest smile on my face. She then said "...see you feel better now dontcha"!! LOVE THAT KID!!!

    *we had the 100 project as well this week, I posted on fb "how I contemplated smearing glue on the poster and throwing confetti on it"! VOILA!! Instant 100project...done!! Ha!! *bad-mommy moment* confession

    Truth be told...we actually wenton a househunt and found 100 things!! Believe it or not the "kitchen JUNK drawer" was a GOLD MINE!! Even found a set of keys I had been looking for for months!!

    Thanks 100 project, because it was truly OVER 100 days that I've been searching for those darn keys!!!

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  9. Ok so I just blew a whole comment!! Okay gonna summarize...

    Great post! It's okay we all have the NOT WANNA BE THAT MOM moments!!

    We also completed the 100's project. My girl found mostly her 100items in our kitchen junk drawer! Yeah...I'm THAT MOM w/the infamous "kitchen junk drawer"! *upward eyeroll* Hey....but I did find a set of keys i have been looking for ...oh...say OVER 100days!! ha!!!

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  10. thanks for this little reminder. I've just been going through your recent posts for a 'harry update.' continuing to remember and pray for you all. your family is so precious inside and out. donna

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  11. this is more timely than you will ever know!!!! I too was accused of yelling yesterday--when I was purposefully trying to use a calm but repetitive voice (not saying what she wanted to hear!!)--I was bursting cause all I wanted to do was scream!!!! I stopped and reflected and remembered it is not so much "what I do or do not do" but how it is perceived--I need to keep that in mind--even when I am bursting!!! It's is homework time what all this hits for us--right now I am typing this in another room and letting her have her snack and do her homework on her own!!!! Hopefully I today I will not be perceived as a "yelling" mom!! Oh dear--just got the dreaded call " I need Help" Hope I have the strength --wish me luck!!! Good luck to you to!!!!!
    BA

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  12. I have used that cranky stressed voice too! Don't worry --there's a lot on our shoulders. Don't be too hard on yourself! And Chic-fil-A -- wish we had one here! Thanks for sharing the prayer!

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  13. I was frantic and yelling on Tuesday and really nothing that my children had done but rather over scheduling due to lack of information from my husband. Such a simple act of sharing details of a sports practice could have made our night run so much more smoothly. We are entering a very busy spring season for our family and I need to be sure we are all on board. Great reminder to handle it now and not as it unfolds.

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  14. Sometimes my kids don't have to say anything and it's not that I'm necessarily yelling, but it may be a negative comment that I make because of feeling so overwhelmed, and then the guilt sets in and I feel like a bad mom.

    It's hard to do it all but at the same time I find it hard to try not to. In the end what does it really matter if the kids suffer for it.

    Apologizing shows our kids that we are human too, we get tired and need a break too just like everyone else. Thanks for sharing what so many of us go through, we can all show support and pray for eachother as moms.

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  15. thanks for posting this and sharing your thoughts today. I needed to hear it personally, and I really took to heart the prayer you ended with. :)

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  16. I want to be "that" mom, too! Somedays I am and somedays I fail miserably. I like to think the good days out weighs the bad ... and from all the beautiful post you write here I am pretty sure your good out weighs your bad by far!! :-)

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  17. Oh, does this ever resonate with ME!!! In fact, in my Bible Study this week I wrote as one thing I wanted to accomplish was "quality time with Cole". Even though we are together 24/7 and we do a lot of things together, most of it is not INTENTIONAL and QUALITY. I want to be the Mom that the kids want to come and see when they leave home :)

    Way to go Kate on your 100 day project!!!!!

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  18. What a great post! Harry is such a sweetie and, you know, if he was pointing it out to you and noticing the change in your tone, you must not do it very often. It's when they don't even notice anymore that you've become "that mom"!
    There are endless things to do every day for moms (and dads). I have to rush around just to keep up with all these kids and 3 dogs, too. Most days I barely tread water. It's easy to get impatient and I have to be very mindful about it but I'm hardly perfect and my kids will remind me, too. Kids hold us to a high standard and I appreciate it, I guess. Funny though, they never seem notice when they, themselves, are grumpy, impatient, or unkind, lol.

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  19. The fact that you were able to stop, listen, apologize and move on shows YOU ARE the kind of mom you want to be.

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  21. I've also been feeling very overwhelmed as a mom lately, and what you say about that not being my daughter's problem is so true. It's mine.
    I admire you so much - especially for sitting down with Harry, looking him in the eye, and apologizing. I think that apologizing to our kids when we make mistakes (and I make plenty) is very important.
    You're human; you made a mistake. I'm sure Harry understands this. So glad you get to have lunch with him at school today. I bet he'll love every minute of that.
    You're a GREAT mom!!!

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  22. GUILTY! But aren't most all moms?
    Thanks for the perfect reminder today! Even though mine are all older teens, it still is a great reminder to 'stop, look and listen'! You are doing a great job and we all get overwhelmed at times. Hang in there and God Bless your family especially today!

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  23. Kim - I am sitting here crying, because I don't want to "be that kind of mom" but I am right now. Thank for the reminder....

    can I steal your 100 project idea? I (just found out) have to do one this weekend with Katie - and had/have no idea what to do -

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  24. I love that Harry! My son is so similar and sometimes we NEED that reality check. Good for you for saying sorry, and meaning it! You are a terrific family and that's why he felt safe enough to be honest!

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  25. Your honesty is a balm to mothers.
    We all want to be perfect mothers, but, of course, we are human and can't be.
    I am so hard on myself when I "fail" my children. Your words remind we will all fail sometimes; the important thing is to fix it, like apologizing.
    Your blog is such a blessing to me, thank you!
    Susan in FL
    mom to twin daughters born in china

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  26. I am this same way sometimes and Lottie is always the one to set me straight:) It always humbles me when God uses my own child to let me know that the face they need to always see.....is His face:) Super hard my friend....super hard:)

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  27. I needed to see that little prayer today! As a new mom, I love everything that is happening, but feel overwhelmed a lot. Thank you so much for sharing this!

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  28. Everyone gets overwhelmed at times. I find myself doing this to my brothers and sister. And really I feel bad about it. I know you are an amazing mom! My mom used to do the same thing to us when I was little.. I'm sure they can tell when your overwhelmed. It was so sweet for him to ask you to come to lunch.. they are so adorable. And I love little Kate's monogrammed red dress!

    xoxo.

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Thank you for your kindness.