Newlywed Envy

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I am not a jealous person at all. Many of my friends have commented on that throughout my life. When a friend of mine has something amazing happen, I am just truly happy for them. I think we all have our blessings and we all have our difficulties and I would not trade places with anyone in life. However, a lot of young newlyweds without children are reading my blog lately. So, when I see a new commenter, I usually click over and say hello. Now that I have read some of their blogs, I must admit to having a little "newlywed envy."

Dave and I have been married for 14 wonderful years. We have a great marriage, great kids, fabulous house, wonderful friends. But once in a while, when I read about the weekends of the newlyweds, I feel envious. Our weekends are filled with getting up early for soccer, judo, Mass and Sunday school, birthday parties. We try to squeeze in grocery shopping for the week and catch up on yard-work, laundry etc. Sometimes, we get together with another family for dinner. But mostly, the weekends are spent cheering, chauffeuring, running out for a last minute b-day get the drift.

The newlywed weekend looks something like this...sleep late, work out, go out for a leisurely brunch, watch a movie on the couch with hubby, take a nap, do a little shopping, get ready to go out to the new restaurant in town. Then on Sunday... rinse and repeat. Oh and they take spontaneous little trips too. When was the last time Dave and I took a trip sans kids? At least 3-4 years ago!!! I know these young, toned and beautiful newlyweds probably do a little laundry and grocery shopping in there too. But there seems to be so much carefree leisure time. I crave a little carefree leisure time.

Dave and I were married for just a year and a half before Will was born and to be honest I do not remember much of that time. all of you adorably young and newly married people...ENJOY this time. It is a rare time when you can really focus on your marriage, your faith, your career, your home and your health. I don't mean to scare you. Children are the most joyful blessing but your life changes.

I would not change my life. You all know how much I love my family...but what I would not give for just one newlywed weekend! Any newlyweds want to trade places for a weekend?

As I am typing this I just decided that I am going to try like heck to get a babysitter tonight. A date with my husband is desperately needed! Update: Got a sitter...YEAH!

Our Saturday morning...

Making pancakes with Daddy:)




This afternoon, I think we are off to the zoo.


  1. What an ironic post! I feel like my husband and I are still newlyweds (3 years in) because we spent so much time apart with training and deployments. But I envy those with wonderful routines, husbands who are home and kids who adore them. I always say I am not ready for kids, and I am such an over-thinker that I'm not sure I'll ever be "ready" in my mind but I'll trust it will be right when it happens. So the hubby and I do enjoy our time together at the moment.

    However, knowing your life is settled and the initial quirks of marriage have been worked out makes this newlywed a little green-eyed. However, I'm always worried adding a kid to the mix will ruin a good thing so keeping up with your blog, and other parents blogs, eases my anxiety and gives me some hope for our married future!

  2. Kim -- I can sooooo relate to this post. Although I love my family to pieces, I miss having time just for me or just Cory and me! We were only married for two years before Carson was born, and I honestly don't remember what we did with all of our free time! I will always struggle with finding the perfect "family" balance!

  3. I admit suffering a bit of that too. Luckily, we recently found a sitter that my girl loves and asks for, so bonus -- we get to go out more!

    Bet those were some yummy pancakes. Have fun on your date!


  4. Ironic to read your post today as I, too, have been happily married for almost 3 years now and am 'toying' with the idea of whether or not I'm ready to start a family. All of our friends either already have children or are starting to have them. I'll admit, I LOVE my life of no child-responsibilities! I know it sounds so selfish but it's the truth. Many mom friends have told me to not wait until I'm ready but to wait until I'm 1 year PAST ready! I'm exhaustedly (is that even a word? ha) busy right now with my new business and I honestly don't know if I would have the time to be super mom like you!

    With all of that being said, I want to know that I'm going to be able to have a child or children some day. Oh the envy I would have if I knew that I couldn't experience the love of life through kids like you've been gifted. If only I could see the future!

    Until then... I think I'm going to go with the whole,'if it's in His plan.'

    Thanks for your post today, it's shown me to take advantage of the freedom and spontaneity at this stage in my life.

  5. I definitely needed to read this post! I'm a newlywed (just a little over 2 months in) and I am already dying to have a baby! I really, really want to be a mom! I needed to read/hear from someone again that it's a good idea to wait a little while, work on your marriage, and enjoy being able to do whatever whenever! Thank you for posting this!

  6. I can relate to what you're saying from the other side. When my kids were young I remember feeling the way you do. Occasionally, though, I miss those days. While we have the freedom I once envied, I really miss having my kids around. Once lives 1800 miles away, the other lives 250 miles away. They're both busy and we don't get together as often as we'd like. Enjoy this busy time, but enjoy the breaks too! So glad you got a babysitter!

  7. Oh I hear you on this post. I dont know when the last time Tom and I had a weekend away. My life is wonderful but there are times when I miss the first year of our marriage. Hope you guys had a great day at the zoo.

  8. We've been married almost 11 years and sometimes I truly miss the little things... you know, like sleeping in past 7 AM and waking slowly rather than because of the poking fingers of a five-year-old.... or like last-minute weekend get-aways... or taking a quiet walk together after dinner. But than I'd have to trade in my priceless art collection (priceless because no one else would buy them) and sticky peanut butter kisses and... I could go on and on. Each stage has challenges and each has blessings, I think. I think we all go through phases where we long for the moments we miss. But then would we miss the moments we now have?

  9. What a great post - although as a "soon to be newleywed" I must admit that at times I look at all of the blogs out there and have "family envy".

    Children and family have always been such a wonderful part of my life. I think from the time I was little I would always say "I want to be a wife and mom" when someone ask what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now with my mom battling so fiercely I want even more to have children - but not now. I know the Lord has a plan and I feel that Evan and I need to grow together as a couple before we add children into the mix. Although our weekends are a bit more relaxed, there are times I love being with my nieces and shuffling from place to place. So if you ever want a switch I all in - hehe:)

    Also, I want you to know how inspirational your blog has been to me. Evan is Catholic and I was raised in faithful protestant family. Since we began dating I have been attending Mass with him and we are getting married at his parish in Western New York by the Monseigneur who confirmed him. I am going through the RCIA course at our local church in Maryland. I did quite a bit of soul searching, praying and reflection to make sure this was the path I was intended to follow, but as of now I truly feel this is where the Lord is leading me. Since I have begun my faith journey to the Catholic Church I have felt a sense of peace.

    Many Blessings, Ashley

  10. so funny! I totally agree with your post...although John and I just really enjoyed celebrating 10 years together. We were able to get away for a night though, so that makes all the difference. I hope you and Dave had a wonderful night out. So great that you were able to get a sitter!

    I will pray that you find the little girl in the picture below.

  11. Hugs! Glad you got a sitter! These busy fall weekends are unreal!

  12. I have newlywed envy at times as well as single envy! Just the beginning of a relationship when everything is still fresh and new. I have been with my husband almost 18 years, married for 13. Wouldn't trade him away but there is just a touch of envy at times. =)

  13. Thank you for posting this! I am a newlywed reader, and just today I saw a family with children and wished for some of our own. But, your post reminded me to savor this precious time. Relaxing and watching TV with my husband now : )

  14. Oh my I noticed that you had a link to that blog already. Definitely time for bed!!

  15. Thank you so much for this post! We've been married 16 days shy of 1 year and there are times when I absolutely can not wait to have a baby (other times I think more logically!). This post was a great reminder why I need to sit back and really enjoy our child-free life. Thanks again :)

  16. Amen to that post! We are about to hit the 16 year mark and I honestly don't really remember the days before the whole child routine thang consumed me. We just refer to them as "the B.C. days".....sigh...things seemed so simple back then.

  17. I can relate to needing a babysitter for a little free time to myself but I would just love to be married (single mom here). I have learned to be content the majority of the time but just occasionally I envy my married friends. When I feel the envy bug I just remind myself that I can come & go as I please, spend my money--or not-- as I like, and unless I feel like it I do not have to clean house or cook every night. Make a list of all the things in your life you really appreciate and it helps.
    BTW---pray for me:)
    Blessings to you.

  18. hi
    i had love you stop by my blog when i keft comments few months ago §

  19. You are too cute! Believe a little jealous of YOU! I can't wait to have a husband and a family and fill my weekend up with things like that. I understand being single/newlyweds def. has its perks but I'm telling you the truth...I can't WAIT to have what you have! :)

  20. Kim, I totally understand where you're coming from. I would love a lazy weekend at home without the kids. Jeff and I have a babysitter for the weekend in October and are doing a trip to NYC - our first trip alone in 2 years. I am so looking forward to it.

    Glad you got a sitter last night!

  21. Hubby and I have been married for 10 years with no kids. With or without kids, it's hard not to get caught up in work, obligations outside the home, etc. It feels like sometimes we're actually making "appointments" to have a date day/night! You're not alone!!!

  22. I just got home from a girls weekend, so i know what you mean. We walked around and shopped all day, got our makeup done and tried on clothes. Awesome!!

  23. I love your post and often feel the same way. We were married 3 years before children. I can't even remember what we used to do with our time. Our weeks were busy with work and weekends were sleeping in, errands, sporting events and lots and lots of eating out!

    A sure of a great post is great comments. I enjoyed reading them nearly as much as I enjoyed your post. I love all the different perspectives!

    Well done!

  24. Oh many times have I thought that as well? My husband and I have been married for 11.5 years, but together for 16 years. I don't really remember the carefree years before kids even though we had about 8 of them together. Now I think, "what the heck are we doing adopting and starting all over again?" But you hit the nail on the head. There is nothing like the feeling of family or the warmth that washes over you when one of your children hugs and kisses you because they think you are their hero! Hang in there and enjoy that babysitter. We all need time away - it makes the reunion with the kids all that much sweeter!!!

  25. I'm so glad you and Dave were able to go out on a real live date last night! I hope you had a wonderful time. I think it is good for children to see their parents nurturing their own relationship. With the ages of your children, that doesn't come without some conscientious effort.

  26. First of all, I love your blog and think you have a fabulous life! You have three beautiful children and seem to have a happy family! I just got married three weeks ago...and am the first of my friends to get married, at 24 years old. However, we definitely plan to enjoy this phase of our lives. At times I tell myself I am ready for a family...but then I look at my friends who are single and realize we have so much to do before children. I have always said to my husband, if I have two boys first, I want to adopt a little girl from China...a reason why I LOVE your blog and your little Kate. As an adopted child myself (from the US though), I find this to be a reawarding experience and hope to give back that way. Hope you had a wonderful date night with your husband.

  27. My hubby and I have gone full circle. Our kids are 27 & 22 - the oldest married, no grandkids yet. We could never remember what we did before kids...until ours grew up and we became empty nesters. But being an empty nester is God's way of thanking you for raising your kids. Our kids were good (at times) when they were young but they are now wonderful adults. And we thank God every day for that...
    You are doing a great job with your kids and God will greatly bless you...

  28. what is "carefree, leisure time"? I seem to recall it somewhere in my mommy/menopause infested memory banks :)

  29. Enjoy your date with your hubby! I can kind of understand what your talking about because we're already wondering what on earth we did with our time before adding a child to the mix. I don't mind yet, though =).


  30. Nice post, I can relate, even though I try not to think that way. I had the newlywed envy when my sweety & I took a bus/pleasure trip to Chicago and it felt like a second honeymoon, so much fun! I like how you put it and I too wouldn't trade what I have for the world, just would like to get out more. I'm sure those w/out children have the same envy, just vice versa.

    Hope you had a great time on your date! Thanks for sharing.

  31. Great post! I've been married for 11 years and couldn't have said it better! Yes, there are days that I would love, love to sleep in (past 6am), read decorating magazines, while eating red licorice (Since I'm dreaming, I'm chosing a super unhealthy snack!)...but then Iknow I would get bored!
    Yes, 3 children, 1 greyhound and 2cats equal quite a busy life, but I know that my husband and I will be beside ourselves when all are older and more on their own.
    I just love your blog. You have such a beautiful family and have such wonderful values!
    P.S. And yes, we take vacations as a couple, but I miss my children sooooo much! So bittersweet! :)

  32. Oh how true!! My husband and I still look back and ask ourselves, "What did we do with all that TIME we had before having kids???" Yet at the time I still thought I was busy!!! LOL! OH to know then what I know now! :)

  33. hi kim! i think the "envy" goes both ways ... there are many times, every time really, that i read your blog and my heart is filled with joy and my mind envy. not in a lustful or jealous way, but a wishful way, that one day, daniel and i will be in a place different than we are now. i feel horribly guilty even typing that, but the honest truth is, my heart longs for a child. my heart longs to be a mother. my heart is filled with joy when i can spend my days being a wife ... and i know this is compounded when a little one is added. i dream about the day when i get to decorate our house, not just our tiny, rented los angeles apartment. i often catch myself and have to remind myself to be thankful for where we are. for what we have. for what god has given to us. but i will be honest and say there is envy.

    i am so glad you and dave got out on saturday night! i remember growing up my parents had a date night once per week ... it wasn't always saturday night, but i remember they made it a priority. and if i were closer, i'd take care of your kiddos in a heartbeat! now if only we could find mr. r a job he wants in houston ....

    oh -- that anthro necklace i wore ... it's slightly heavy, but it didn't bother me. i have a pretty sensitive neck/head when it comes to necklaces/hats/earrings, and not once did this one bother me. get it -- it goes with so much!!

  34. btw ... did you find that cutie you posted about??

  35. Kim, I kinda have a different take on this, ALL our kids are grown, and we craved for the day WE COULD ENJOY JUST ME AND THE HUBBY, well that was approaching fast and on our 21st anniversary, we received a little one in our lives that was indeed a blessing from God, this child was placed with us with 'stipulations" just for a little while and God started weaving his intricate pattern and "that plan was not to be"! The empty nest was soon once again filled w/diapers, bottles, daycare expenses the whole nine yards. Yes, friends thought we were NUTS, but who were WE to questions GOD'S PLANS! Yes, we do crave some one on one quality time, we are able to spend some quality time together. I have found having a "little one" at this stage in our life, is a test at times, but I'm glad God entrusted this beautiful baby to our care.

    I'm glad that you and Dave are able to get out every now and then, believe me I can identify, we had 4 kids at one time, playing basketball,football,volleyball and in the band! It was a circus on the weekend in my house!

    Judging from the different aspects of the above posters, it all goes to say...All grass looks greener on the other side, well until you have to mow the grass!! LOL!!

  36. i'm so with you girlie!

    i'm also so behind....
    glad all is well with will's neck

    glad all is better for miss kate

    glad she found the starfish

    glad your fall swap gift is too stinking cute...great friend.
    & i promise not to get so far behind

  37. Dittos! Doug was a single dad when we met so we have never been without kids! I do love my family too but a date night every now and then aint bad either.

    I'm loving Miss Kates short hair. Who knows, maybe she'll be a hair dresser. :o)

  38. I soooo don't remember life without kids. I think that we used to at least read the Sunday paper! I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but oh how Jeff and I could use a weekend away...wait, now I have newlywed envy!

    Do I recognize that dress Kate is wearing? Call me with any new info on L~

  39. My husband gently reminds me that when they are gone, I will miss them terribly. He is always right and I know that I will, so I try to keep my strength up by taking art classes, tennis and giving to time to me.
    Make sure you are reserving some oxygen for you so there is only room in your heart for joy.
    blessings to you and your family!

  40. I absolutely LOVE your blog - you have such a beautiful family and your home is just lovely. Ironically, I just started a blog and my first post was about our "leisure" weekend. We also hope to have kids soon but I must say that your post made me really appreciate the free time that we have!

  41. Being an empty nester it is also envy from this side of having the "busyness". We have a granddaughter that lights our lives and we are able to give the "kids" a weekend or evening away - and we pretty much drop our plans to have her. Another grandbaby is on the way and we can't wait to do the same for those "kids". I have tried to tell each couple that a family is difficult if a marriage is not there so keep working on the marriage and we will take the grandchildren!

    Wishing you the best! I was lucky when my children were little that my parents did this for me; however also had a "grandmother" lady friend at work that helped many weeks while we traveled. If I were close I would do it for you!

  42. Once your children get a little older and take on more of their own lives apart from yours, you are able to recapture the newlywed phase. It's a little different the second time around, but just as special and enjoyable. My husband and I try to have at least one "date night" a week if he isn't at sea or on travel.

    Enjoy your busy life now, they grow up all too quickly.


  43. So true! Although I do feel lucky that we have been able to stay close to our parents who do provide the occasional "overnight" help so that Mr. HH and I can do special weekends.

    Do you all have family close by? I don't think you've mentioned it? Some of my fondest memories are those when my cousins would stay with us (or us with them) so that our parents could enjoy a romantic, adult vacation.

  44. Kim hope the kiddo's are better
    Hope you had a great date night too!
    Also hope that you are not sick your self!
    Update the blogging world soon I hope!
    Is Kate's pain nay less?/
    Sure hope so!!
    Did she avoid Will's flu?
    Hope so fo rthat too!

    Hope to hear from you soon too!

  45. Mike and I will be married 34 years this month. I was 18 and he was 21 when we married. We were only married two years when our first was born....and we had three within three and a half years. Now though, we are empty nesters with lots of newlywed time. It was worth the wait!

  46. What a great post. The grass is always greener on the other side. I read your blog and can't wait to have a family where I have someone else to make pancakes for (besides Husby!).

  47. Have a fantastic date night! Act you are a newlywed tonight and enjoy!!

  48. Missing you. Hope all is well.

    I am having a little stove envy right now :-P (you probably already know this but i am sticking my tongue out at you

    ((HUGS)) from the top of TEXAS,

  49. I'm laughing. We've been married 14 years too. My DH and I sometimes talk about how much time we wasted … or that maybe we were just lazy back then! LOL!

    Of course none of us would trade it, but there are some definite benefits to the newlywed life! Thanks for taking us back to days gone by!

    Loved your post about the Moms group too. Thank you for sharing. I tried to start a group that didn't work out, so it was just encouraging to read about the group, and that picture of the Sister was precious. The look on her face … and her hands clasped on her face! Precious!

  50. Here's another perspective. My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We like to say we have had great times and good times. We have truly been blessed and never had any bad times. We have raised two wonderful young women whom we are very proud of. We are young empty nesters and feel these are the best times! We can look back with pride on our accomplishments and relish in these times that we reap what we have sowed! So, hang in there--the best is yet to come! Barbara in Leesburg


Thank you for your kindness.