Katie Ru's new "do"

Friday, October 5, 2007
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I know it doesn't really look much different but a few people kept asking my to post photos of Kate's "bob." So, here it is. I like it but I really want to let her hair grow. I have had it cut 3 times since she has been home in an attempt to even it out. A few people also keep asking about Kate's homecoming video. I am flattered that you want to see it:) However, right now, Kate wants me to hold her ALL the time. In fact, I have gone back to wearing her in the Mei Tai. Thus, I have no time to work on it. I will post it as soon as I do it but for right now, it is on the back burner.


Thank you for the outpouring of kindness regarding the attachment issues. I cannot express how much it meant to me. I know that attachment is a long process but I think sometimes people do forget that it comes in stages. I want to clarify that Kate is attached to us in so many ways. Indiscriminate attachment does not mean the child hasn't attached to the primary caregiver. It means they are sort of transferring that affection and attachment to lots and lots of people (indiscriminately). Sometimes, being the loving, affectionate and charming one served them well in the orphanage or foster home so that is all they know. And as far as attachment issues go, this one is not as detrimental as many others.

People have asked me to recommend sources. My main sources were scientific research articles because I like research articles and this is in my professional field. I also spoke with an attachment clinic. There are some good books out there too. Adoption Parenting (several contributing experts) and Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray are two books that are highly respected in the field of attachment and adoption. Let me know if you want me to post the specific recommendations that we have been given. I do not really want to turn this into an attachment forum and I am not an attachment expert but if people want the information, I am happy to share.

One quick update on Kate's sleep. A few weeks ago we were having sleep issues. No doubt they were/are attachment related as well. However, we got two tips that did help immensely. One was to use a sound machine (thanks Debbie). I bought the cheapest homedics sound machine/alarm clock for Kate's room at BB&B. It has really helped. Maybe she was used to a noisier environment in her foster home.

Another person recommended that we read the same exact book to Kate at every nap and every bedtime. We have been very consistent with bedtime routines and we did read to her but it was always something different. Well, based on this advice, we chose Goodnight Moon. Now, when I say it is nap time, Kate goes over and gets Goodnight Moon, plops in my lap and turns the pages as I read it to her. After I finish, she walks over to her crib, grabs her lovey and puts her arms up for me to put her in the crib. It has been miraculous. It has become a clear cue to her that it is time to sleep. Thank you Connie at Mommy24treasures for your "been there done that" advice! Have a great weekend everyone:)

32 comments:

  1. Hiya

    We too use a sound machine, from day 1 of being home and it is great! The cheap homedics one is the best!

    Thanks for talking about the attachment subject, quite often parents choose to ignore or brush away the little things that make them question what is going on, it's great to see parents speaking up about it, even when it is in a relatively minor form...

    This isn't a black/white issue, but varying shades of grey. As long as we are aware and concious we can help our kiddos deal with their grief/loss/insecuritites etc.

    Sometimes parents 'choose' not to see the little red flags until it is too late.

    Thanks again
    Hayley

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  2. Ohhhhhhhhh, that Kaite Ru!!!!!!!! She is just so darling! I love her hair cut. She looks so grown up... sob sob
    I am so glad the sleeping is better. I know it is hard when your little one needs to be held all the time. I am certain this is all part of the healing process. I miss holding Hannah... she is always on the go and until it is time to nap or go to bed she doesn't just let me hold her for very long anymore.
    Hang in there.

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  3. I love the haircut - it's adorable! Attachment issues are the scariest part of adopting I think. My boys are very well attached, and I worry that an attachment disordered child will harm that somehow. How are your boys with Katie?

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  4. Very cute bob! If my hair was straight, that is the cut I would want. She's so adorable!

    On attachment, I also think it depends on the child. My brother and I were both adopted (he's two years older) and both parented the same way (essentially) and he had a hard time with attachment issues and I didn't.

    It's so hard to be a parent!

    Thanks for the reminder on the bedtime story. I did that with Jackson and it did work although he almost never slept in his crib. I'm hoping Ella is a better sleeper!

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  5. Love the new "do" so chic! Hope the Mai Tai (is that a drink, just kidding!)is helping, I know it helped with Myah, and it frees up your hands to do other things! How is your back holding up? We also use a fan for Myah and now she asks for it before the lights go out. Hang in there sweetie, you are doing a good thing for her! Hope you have a nice weekend.

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  6. I LOVE the new bob haircut! Ms. Kate looks so adorable as always!

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  7. Kate’s new “do” is adorable. Her outfit is so cute too! Have a great weekend!

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  8. Kate's hair is so cute! And where did you get that adorable dress & all her hairbows? She is just a beautiful girl!!

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  9. We have a sleep machine in every room, nobody sleeps without it! We chose Goodnight Moon every single night as when the boys were little. Each one of them has a ragged book of Goodnight Moon stored on their shelf.

    I've been reading the 'Attachment in Adoption' book and it is the slooooowest read evah. One day I will finish it...hopefully....I doubt it.

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  10. Oh, I forgot to tell ya that I luv her hair do. I can tell the difference and it's a sweet cut.

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  11. Her hair cut is adorable. What great advice you got. That's exciting that it worked!

    Have a great weekend!

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  12. Kim,

    I am so glad that Kate's sleep schedule has gotten so much better!

    I love her little bob & that outfit too!

    You are such an incredible person and I really hope you see how wonderful you are. So selfless to share this issues, and so wise to have spotted them.

    Have a great weekend.

    Danielle

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  13. oh my gosh I am just so happy it helped!!!! IT helped our Caitlyn so much, and sometimes I am hesitant to give advice because I know each child has individual needs and there is no one formula for all of them, but I am just so glad this tidbit helped. So glad. Love the new haircut, adorable. Have a great weekend with your 3 sweethearts.

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  14. What sweet pics of your girl. Love her hair!! Annslee is very routine oriented too and it is funny b/c if we skip a step she points it out now. Glad your bedtime is easier...Connie is a genius!

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  15. Love the "bob" haircut, and I'm so glad that the sleep issues are behind you. Have a great weekend.

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  16. Kim,
    Thanks for the update and sharing what has helped, it's good to hear others' experiences. I'm so glad the "routine" has helped with her sleeping, I have to remember that!
    Kate's hair is darling, very stylish and sassy, just like Moms! :)

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  17. I love her haircut and will be doing the same thing. The bob is a darling haircut and the perfect way to keep her looking wonderful while her hair is coming in and evening out.
    I also love Goodnight Moon, it is a darling book.
    It's probably tough on you physically to have to carry Kate so much now. I hope that your back is ok and that your sling works well. Everyone talks about that brand and says it's the best.

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  18. Hi Kim -
    Love the bob! Very cute. (Love her outfit too!)

    It is obvious that Katie Ru is absolutely and amazingly attached, but like you said, we are noticing that it swings in stages and sometimes, even what I would term regression or setbacks.

    We did not use sound, but Hannah still sleeps with a dim light on all the time. We do the same routine we have done since she came home. Our book is A Mother for Choco:) I'm glad for you that the sleeping is better - it is so much harder being completely sleep deprived.

    The holding - I am right there with you...it is getting better, though.

    Always thinking of you...
    Heather

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  19. Kim,

    What a great mommy you are!

    Katie Ru looks as beautiful as ever with her darling bow and head full of hair :)!

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  20. I think the haircut is adorable!!!!
    And, I have to comment on the "thankful Thursday" post... First of all Congrats on that major milestone!!! LOVE the Tiffany Box shot! Every girl should have one that they can fit into!!! You are doing such a fantastic job with Kate! No wonder she loves the hip carrier!
    She's no dummy! Seriously, though what a blessing you are to each other! Hang in there! Soon there will be a new phase!
    Hugs,
    Diana

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  21. I think the haircut is adorable!!!!
    And, I have to comment on the "thankful Thursday" post... First of all Congrats on that major milestone!!! LOVE the Tiffany Box shot! Every girl should have one that they can fit into!!! You are doing such a fantastic job with Kate! No wonder she loves the hip carrier!
    She's no dummy! Seriously, though what a blessing you are to each other! Hang in there! Soon there will be a new phase!
    Hugs,
    Diana

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  22. Oh my gosh, I love her hair cut! The one with daddy melts me heart. I would love to hear about indiscriminite attachment, I think it's something all PAP need to know a lot about. Thank for the great book reccomendations. I have already read Attaching in Adoption, and I want to read the other one. I can't wait to see her Homecoming Video, but don't worry about it! You will finish it eventually. :-) I was going to suggest "wearing" Kate in the Mei Tai, but you have already been doing that. I am a strong supporter of "skin to skin" contact, and the Mei Tai is fabulous for that! Take care, Lynn

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  23. First, Love Miss Kate's hair! It is awesome :D

    Second, May you be blessed for your openness to discuss the hard topics that need to be brought out. One way we can truly help each other is to discuss this issues. You have so much courage my friend.

    Third, I am a ninny. I forgot to include the book in your package :-( Maybe you don't need it as it sounds as though Kate is sleeping and doing much better :D

    Ladybug hugs,
    ;D

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  24. The 'bob' is soooo cute- and easy to care for. She is beautiful in laughter and looks to be in love with Dad. I'm glad that things are getting easier at your house and thanks for sharing your learned wisdoms. They will be helpful to so many...my family included as our daughters' family embarks upon the wonderful world of adoption.

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  25. LOVE the new "do"!!! She is such a doll!!

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  26. Where oh where did you get that precious outfit?! OMG - I LOVE it!!!!

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  27. Anonymous, Jodee and Leah,

    Just to show you that I can be a bargain shopper (and since you asked)... Kate's top is from Target (very recently) and the skirt is from the clearance rack at Dillards. I got it at the end of the summer for like $6 but it screamed "Fall" to me. Glad you like it. Most of Kate's bows are from a company called "wee little ones." I buy them at children's shops.

    Kim

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  28. Kate is just soooooooo pretty and I love, love, love her new do! Thanks for writing about the attachment issues ~ it helps so much to read what others go through. I will keep an eye out with our Mia since this is all so new to me (and many others!).
    Thanks for these very important and informative posts!!!

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  29. Love the do on Katie Ru! Mae was indiscriminately friendly too. It was the most difficult thing when she would reach for someone like her Mimi or Nana and I had to say no. Hang in there! It does get better! Now, I have not one doubt that she is attached!

    Julie

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  30. Hi Kim, I was wondering where you buy those monagrammed bibs that you often send to people as gifts? They are so cute!!

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  31. I love Kate's new "do"! It is so cute on her!

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  32. Sheila,

    I order them from a "Mom-owned" company called Julianne Originals. You can google them. I have several for Miss Kate and I LOVE them. They make nice gifts and the customer service is supreme. Tell the owner I sent you:)

    Kim

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Thank you for your kindness.